Thursday, June 25, 2009

Options...

I have none. For now.

Seven days from today, I will technically be out of a job. I say 'technically' because it seems that my job was made "seasonal" at last minute (read: some people are intimidated by the youngest black employee running things), and the higher ups decided to tell me YESTERDAY that they won't be able to accomodate me during the summer.

"See you in August, and enjoy your summer", was the end of the e-mail I received in reply to the e-mail I sent days/weeks ago, to a woman I work right beside who could've easily given me an on-the-spot answer to my query. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Won't go into details, but I'll say it's fulfilled a young nerdy dream of mine. But, as much as I hate to admit, there are certain people who don't want me here, and since they have the "power" to make it happen, it's happened. To start, this job is only part time, but the hours I was promised when I was offered the job were not the hours I've been working since I started. Keeping cool, I've had plenty of meetings with the "higher-ups" about acquiring more hours, and I always got the same answer: "We have to check our budget for the end of our Fiscal year, and get back to you." So, how is it that my coworker with the same job title as me was able to work almost DOUBLE the hours I work per week? I guess I'd be typical for pulling the race card, but damn it I'm gonna do it.

Time and time again there have been meeting after meeting, with no end result. I was accused of being late a certain PERCENTAGE of Fridays and forced to sign a paper stating I received "verbal counseling", while I watch my caucasian counterpart stroll in 20 minutes late everyday without a slap on the wrist. Double U Tee Eff. I've let it roll off my back because I had no intentions of staying here permanently, but I've grown attached to (some) of my coworkers, and the teens I met while working here.

*note: I started typing this yesterday (6/24), and when I came in today I was pulled into yet another meeting. What annoys me is the whole "*Susan says...", and I never talk to *Susan! This job can officially kiss my ass.*

So now, come Tuesday...hell, I don't know. I've known of my "break" since early May, and I've been actively looking for a job since my first conflict with the crazy people here. What's funny is, it looks like they actually expect me to take a break and return at the start of the school year. HA! If I had the means to, I would have quit a while ago. But alas, finding a career in my field of interest is pretty difficult so I've had to hold off my grande exit for some time.

Not finding a job with my deadline so close has really got me in the hair pulling stress stage. My parents have been keeping my spirits up; with the "just pray, and BELIEVE" mantra, which I appreciate and utilize, but Sprint won't keep my phone on if I call them and say "I'm praying I get a job so I can pay this already past due bill. Just believe in me, and I got you!" Neither will my other financial obligations. I have a specific plan and path for my career, and I've got my foot in the door...but I don't want the door to shut.

So now, I'm putting it out there: I'm a certified audio engineer with a degree in Mass Communications...and I'm damned good! If anyone knows of anybody hiring in the DMV area, feel free to drop a comment. I'm so serious.
(deuces.)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I Can't Keep Up!!!

I swear, everytime I log in, there are 30+ blogs posted by the people I follow. I'm reading, but I have to find time to comment!

I feel like I've been neglecting you guys. =(

Connie, I've been reading. Great stuff, girl!
Riv, dope as always.
Gee-Nah, I'm reading!

EVERYONE I FOLLOW, I'm reading!

It'll take me a minute to catch up, but you'll see sporadic comments from me soon enough.

(deuces.)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Yup. Greatness Runs In The Family.

If you live in Baltimore, or watch any news at all, you'll remember a story about a pitbull being set on fire and a police officer putting the fire out.

The officer is my cousin. That's right, bizzles.

""We just pulled up and saw the dog in the middle of the street, rolling around and on fire," Teel said. "It was screaming. I pulled my sweater off and tried to put the fire out."

The officer noticed people standing around. "I asked if anybody saw anything, but nobody did," Teel said.

It's a refrain heard across the city, frustrating officers who feel under siege and alone in caring, spouted by people by rote whether the person actually saw anything or not.

Asked again on Tuesday if anyone in the neighborhood saw the dog being burned, Teel said with a laugh: "Of course not."

Then she added, "The dog, he just stood there, helpless." Perhaps "Stop Snitching" now extends to animals."

*photo and story excerpt courtesy of The Baltimore Sun.

The Mayor has since given Officer Syreeta Teel official honors for her bravery. I feel like a proud mother.

The dog unfortunately was euthanized after several days and several attempts to save her life. There was an outpouring of people calling offering their own money to aide in the search for who committed the crime. At last update, the reward stands at $24,500. More recently, a set of 17-year-old twin boys have been named as the culprits.

I'm not gonna walk around throwing blood on your fake fur coat, but animals hold a soft spot in my heart. Hearing this story still makes me sad. I hope the punishment isn't too harsh, but punishment enough.


(deuces.)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Ch-Check Her Out, Yall!

I've got a blog recommendation for you guys.
The Prodigal Princess
She's dope.
Poet, comedian (at least I think so), deep thinker...
...I could type this all day. She's a cool woman with a good head on her shoulders, and I consider her fam. Just check her out!
Another reason: We've got the same name.
BAM!
You won't regret it. I mean, do I promote wack blogs here?
(deuces.)


Damn, Baltimore Pt. 3: Leakin Parks and Stinkin Clergyman

"BALTIMORE -- A Baltimore city grand jury has indicted two pastors in connection with the death of a developmentally disabled blind man.

Kevin Pushia and James Clea are accused of conspiring to kill Lemuel Wallace in order to collect hundreds of thousand of dollars from insurance policies taken out on him.

Wallace's body was discovered in February in a restroom in Leakin Park.

Pushia and Clea remain in jail. An arraignment is scheduled for next month.
"

*photo and story courtesy of wbaltv.com

I never thought I would have a "Damn, Baltimore" post of this caliber. The two pastors were indicted last Friday. They paid a hitman $50,000 of the church's money to execute Lemuel Wallace, leaving his body inside of Leakin Park. If you're from Baltimore, knowing that a body was dumped inside of a public park is no surprise. Google 'Leakin Park' if you're curious. They don't call it 'Leakin' for nothing.

There are also reports that one pastor, Kevin Pushia (picture shown above), also coerced other clients at the Arc Center to list him as the benificiary in their life insurance policies.

WTF. I mean, stories like these aren't unheard of, but it always kills me when these stories about "men/women of the cloth" surface. Calling yourself a pastor and then doing such acts should cause spontaneous combustion.

Seriously, though. Google 'Leakin Park'.

(deuces.)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

NAME CHANGE! Read If You Love Me.

Alrighty people, as of right now this blog's url is no longer http://spokensoliloquies.blogspot.com. Keeping things in the spirit of consistence, you are now reading from the new
Now, go write it down or change it up in your follow list.
You're awesome!
*glances at blog picture*
I'll change that soon enough.

=)
(deuces.)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Another Missing Pieces Update!

As promised, I have another update on my new found family members! Everything is going great, Mooney has been coming to performances and all. We've hung out a couple of times and are still in the process of getting to know eachother, but so far things are looking up.

The best thing about typing this post is being able to tell you all that he wants to meet our father! I've gotten into the habit of not talking about our father because I know it's a sensitive subject, but so far every conversation about him has been initiated by my brother. I saw him this past Friday and he said he'd like to see him. We both understand that it will definitely be awkward, but it's something that should be done. I'm not expecting them to become the best of friends immediately; taking weekend fishing trips, but anywhere other than where they both are now is a start, and you can tell there's a void that needs to be filled. Super excited about that because I can tell my father has been harboring a lot of pain behind this whole ordeal, which isn't totally his fault, and he's ready to get rid of it after 38 years. I'm looking forward to the "first" meeting.

I've also been getting in contact with my older sister, whom I haven't seen since I almost died in '02 (that's another story). My niece got a chance to come over and visit, she's 14 now and one helluva basketball player. Just found out my nephew actually goes to the high school right up the street from me, so there's a chance I may have driven by him too many times to count. Got some particularly bad news about two older nephews of mine, but I'm hoping they'll be fine. My brother and I plan on going to give them some auntie and uncle tough love, even if one of them happens to be older than me. Obviously, someone wasn't giving them enough of whatever they were looking for.

More updates will follow, hopefully with great news!

(deuces.)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Growing Pains and Magnifying Glasses

People like me.

And, that's where the problem begins.

It's graduation season, and many of the young ladies and men I mentor in my theater group have crossed the stage over the weekend, most on the same day. There are also some outside of the group who were handed their diploma and are looking forward to higher education (and dorm parties) come August. I'm proud of each and every one of them, and when I get time I've told most of them I'd take them out as a token of congratulations from me. From the beginning of prom season up until now, I've been getting invited to "see-offs", graduations, graduation parties and more. With my hectic schedule, it's hard to keep up with them all, but I sincerely do my best. All of this has got me to thinking...
...what is it about me makes the youth draw to me the way they do?

I can recall sitting in a rehearsal one day; and the group was going around to each person in our circle individually to tell that person what they like most about them, and something they think that person can work on. When it was my turn, I was moved to tears. To hear so many young women and men call me their role model really made me glad to know that I'm being a positive influence. What really got to me was one of the young poets in the group (who is also a blogger) said something to me that I can't remember word for word, but it went something like this:

"You have so many people who look up to you, I'm afraid I'll become a follower ...there are always people coming up to you; asking for advice, I don't know where'd I fit in..."

To this day, what she said still holds weight to me, and I hope she's reading because I never told her

that. The crazy thing is, if these children only knew that sometimes I find myself looking up to THEM, they'd probably laugh at me! The generation behind me is sometimes a scary one, but they are so filled with creativity and genius that it gives me chills. I wish I was as brave and outspoken as a child like the youth that I know. I admire them as much as they admire me, if not more. What they don't know about is the pressure I feel I'm under sometimes trying to stay in a positive light for them. It's hard to please everybody, but I think it's even harder to maintain an image for people who look up to you, and if these children knew a piece of my life outside of Nu World, poetry, blogs and drumming they may not like me anymore. LOL, seriously; I'm not perfect, but to some I must shit rainbows.

As I get older, I meet new groups of children and acquire more brothers and sisters. I recently worked at a rites of passage program for young men, grades 6-8. They hated my guts in the beginning because I disciplined them with pushups and six inches, but by the end of the program I've gotten more hugs and smiles than mean mugs. I've become attached to some of the high schoolers who come into my job everyday, and I even overheard one of them describing me to his friends as his "big sister and confidante". In the cultural community I'm in, women with young daughters come up to me and ask if I would be willing to give drum lessons to their aspiring musicians in diapers. There's even a young woman that I've known all of her life who has recently become a little sister to me. She comes to me with any and every issue she has, and I'm always more than willing to listen and offer advice when needed. I'm really glad to see her following her dreams, and she's becoming a music junkie like myself. We're still working on that last part. =)

So; Cortney W, Zakirah, Akilah, Nia and Cortney: I'm proud of all of you. You five stay on the path you're on, you're headed in the right directions. Congrats on graduating and making the next step to college. I can never say I only have 2 sisters, because it's obvious I've adopted you all as my own. I love you! Congratulations to all the graduates, really. And to anyone who's ever walked up to me and called me their role model, I'm doing my best for you so you can do your best for the people who are beginning to look up to you.
(deuces.)

Friday, June 5, 2009

Haiku: Common Cents (Economy Edition)

My shoes may not be
The freshest but please believe
My phone is still on.



Just a little something I wrote to myself when I was thinking about the last time I've been in a mall. =( It's been a minute.
(deuces.)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Nature of the Beast.

he doesn't have
that same sparkle anymore
beautiful brown eyes filled with pain
confusion
doctors say that nothing's wrong
but
his mother knows her son
waiting for him nights on end to come home
only to find "him" sitting at the bus stop
clothes dirty, hair unkempt
waiting on a bus that will never come
unexplainable moments of rage
in a matter of seconds
replaced by the man we all know and love
it's scary to watch the downward spiral
a genius, afflicted by his own mind
torment that no one should bare
has become his burden.


For my friend, who's entering a chapter in his life that no one saw coming.
(deuces.)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Now, Why You Wanna Go And Do That?

I've just been informed that we are in fact still living in the year 2009 Anni Domini, so now that I know I'm not tripping I can tell this story.

You would think that a city like Richmond, Virginia would be far removed from some types of ignorance, especially in an area that hosts a fairly known university and a strip full of shops, places to eat and other things that make Broad Street look habitable. I was dead wrong.

To start, myself and my brothers were all headed down south to rehearse for a very important show coming up this weekend. We've been performing with this same company for 10+ years now, so saying we're familiar with Richmond wouldn't really be saying enough. So, before a rehearsal; we're driving around on and off of Broad St., looking for the destination my GPS mapped out. We finally get there and the neighborhood is looking nice; lovely homes, vintage shops and...not really that many of my um, melanin enriched folks. =\ You get the picture, but it was no problem, because I have yet to have a serious race issue in Richmond. I may have spoken too soon, because the woman in the 7-Eleven we went into had no problem providing me with my first experience.

And she was black.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't my first time experiencing behavior like this, but it was just shocking because of the area I was in. I've been in a lot of small towns where the percentage of black people is slim to none, so it's almost expected in areas such as those. What was funny/sad about the entire encounter was the fact that I watched the woman become two different people right in front of my eyes! All of us were pleasant to her, greetings included, polite...and she talked to us and looked at us like we just rolled around in shit for two hours before stepping into her store. She even yelled at my brother for his misunderstanding the total she kind-of told him at the register. I got carded for buying a lighter...it was just all bad. But, the kicker was watching a few melanin challenged people walk into the store. I thought I was in a scene from "10 Little Niggers". She was just smiling and over polite (if there is such a thing), complete with "yes ma'ams" and "no problem sirs". Sad thing to watch, really. I could have said something to her, but I'm an out of towner, and I had a rehearsal to get to. But I made it a point to make sure that she knew we weren't pleased with her embarrassing antics. Jabari made sure to toss a couple Sambo jokes in on the way out.

Richmond residers reading my blog: she's at the 7-Eleven on Sheppard Street, across from a tobacco shop. Go tell her we said "hello"!

(deuces.)