Second Chances

Alright.

After much mental debate and persuasion (read: threats from friends)...

...I have decided to give Twitter yet another shot.

Come follow me.

www.twitter.com/zaziggystardust

And this better be interesting, dammit!

(deuces.)

The Rapture.

And I'm not talking about one of my favorite Anita Baker songs.
My grandmother always called the End of Days "The Rapture", and I never paid much attention to it because she used the phrase all the time, even when it was unecessary. It was funny. Just jokes. But now, I'm not so sure...grandma might be right.

Just over this weekend, we've had two mass shootings on Sunday. There was an incident in Santa Clara, California; an apparent murder-suicide that has left six people dead. Two were children. There is one more woman in the hospital in critical condition.

In Carthage, North Carolina, the term 'disturbing' reached new heights as a man went on a shooting spree at a nursing home, killing seven patients, one employee; and leaving three people wounded. The ages of the patients/victims ranged from 78-98, and the employee was 39. The man responsible for the shootings was shot and apprehended on the scene, and is now facing eight counts of murder and one count of felony assault on a police officer.

Let's not forget about the man who went in on a shooting rampage in Alabama, the man in Illinois who killed a church pastor and stabbed two church members, or the young man in Germany who killed 15 people before dying in a violent shootout with the police. The whole world is going to hell in a handbasket, FAST. And when I thought the nursing home shootings were vile enough (who the FU*K kills people's grandparents?!), I read something that made my heart sink to the pit of my stomach.

In Milton, Massachusetts, Kerby Revelus stabbed his 17 year old sister to death before decapitating his 5 year old sister in front of the police. He was then shot after he went after his 9 year old sister, who sustained defensive wounds to her hands, and stab wounds to her stomach and one of her legs. The picture to the the right is that of 17 year old Samantha and 9 year old Sarafina. Sarafina was the one that called the police after watching her older sister be murdered. The police officers who were on the scene are receiving counseling, as they described what they saw as "a killing field".

What the hell is going on with the minds of some of these people? It seems that things are getting worse and worse, with no sign of getting better. People are offing their families like they're...well, not family. Everday I'm fearing for my safety because I may be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and become a victim of someone's rage because their day started off wrong.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all families of the victims who are suffering at this time.

(deuces.)

To The Readers: Comment Convos

Just FYI for those who comment my posts, I do read AND reply to all comments. I love dialouge, so to those who post comments with questions/opinions, I will reply to your comment on my own comment board. Thanks again for showing your interest in the blog, keep it coming!

I'll have more updates on me and my brother's dinner with our brother soon, pics included!

(deuces.)

Ziggy's Friday Forethought 4: Blessings, NOT Burdens.

*photo courtesy of my Myspace page*


Two things I've discovered about myself in the past few months:

-I loathe complainers

-People without plans annoy me

These two things have always been something that bothered me, but as I'm kicking my life/career into 5th gear, my tolerance for nonsense is critically low. People who complain really work my nerves, and it's worse when people complain but do nothing to change what they're complaining about. I used to have a friends like this, but after many advice seeking conversations with me, they've discovered that Ziggy doesn't host pity parties. Ever. I'm not the kind of person to dwell on things that I can't change; I go into action and do whatever it takes to make sure there are no repeats.

Not having a general plan--you know, the "where do you see yourself in 5 years" theory--is something that only bothers me because I like to be around people who have goals and means of achieving them. I understand that sometimes there are lots of things that may form restraints, hindering you of reaching your goal...but if you don't have a goal, you have a serious problem. My two pet peeves coincide because when some people aren't happy about where they are in life, they complain rather than taking action. BOOOOOOOO. Whining about something doesn't change it for the better, it causes you to go further into the situation and analyze every aspect with "what ifs". I know for a fact that I have millions of things to complain about, but I don't want to block my blessings, so I thank God for the lesson and keep it moving, no matter how much it may hurt.

"Blessings, NOT Burdens". My personal mantra, if you will. If you are a person who is preoccupied with bitching and moaning about something that happened 4 months ago, you have no idea of the things that are passing you by. Opportunity knocks all the time, but every once in a while we lack the focus to answer. I used to be a complainer, someone who just dwelled on every little thing for entirely too long. I've since learned that I have so many things to be thankful for, and I know that more are on the way. Burdens are just a temporary obstacle to test our strength/faith/stability, and by complaining, you're letting the obstacle win. Regain your composure, dust yourself off and go back at it. Make friends with your same mindframe; being around people who will push you not only feels good, but it also brings better results than hanging with your Pity Party Crew.

Be blessed, and enjoy your weekend!

(dueces.)

damn, baltimore pt 2: No Title Needed. This is Utter Bullsh*t.

Just in case you were wondering, the Murder Map reports that Baltimore now has 51 homicides this year. But, that's not what this post is about. It's about the fact that the count almost went to 52...

...Scuba could've lost his life the other night.

I won't go into details because this isn't my story to tell, but I will say that I've never seen him so shaken up. Earlier that day, I had been texting him and getting no replies. The phone he had has been acting up for a while, so I logically concluded that that was the reason why; he's previously complained of not getting any messages from me, or getting them hours later. I try to keep the worst case scenario in the further recesses of my mind, I hate wigging out when it's not necessary. Apparently my worst case scenario was right.

I had no idea he was here, but he came to my house around 10:30 or so and had already talked to my parents about what happened. When he finally told me and our mutual friends, my heart sank. Supposedly someone came into his shop pretending to be a customer, asking for someone else who worked there. What happened after that sounded like a movie--the usual weapon brandishing, everybody-on-the-floor demands, and someone was pistol whipped. He also told us that he didn't know the gun was pointed at his head when the guy said, "If I don't get this money RIGHT NOW, I'm shooting him first." His phone, money, credit card and ID were stolen, but that's a blessing compared to what he could have taken. I'm just glad I didn't get that horrible phone call late at night.

I really don't understand what's going on with my people in this city, or anywhere really. It amazes me how people rob/kill people who live in the same area or even the same block as them. NEWS FLASH: that person you just popped? Trying to make it out just like you are. Great job, dumbass. What's sad is that I know for a fact that it'll get worse when the weather finally warms up for the next few months. We have to do better, seriously.

(deuces.)

Missing Pieces and Rolling Stones

As promised, I'm back, and boyyyyyy do I have a story to tell. I also noticed that I've been behind on some comments on the blogs I follow, so forgive me; I'm working my way back on track so you'll see something from me shortly!

Alright, I never blogged about this because I'm one of those "don't count your chickens before they hatch" type of people. I wanted things to pan out a little further before I opened my mouth, sometimes when you say something too soon things don't really happen the way you thought they would. I did, however, post a poem via my 30/30 a while back. But, everything seems to be going well so far, and I realized that I may have a reader (anon or otherwise) that has gone through or is going through the same thing, so why not share my story, right?

For the past few years, I've been looking for my older brother. My father told my brother and I about him when we were a little younger, I'd say I was 17 or 18. He never came as a surprise, especially after meeting a younger sister when I was 10, but I was always intrigued because he seemed like a sensitive subject to my father. Whenever I would ask about him, I got the same bits of information: first name (maybe the last), where he may be living...and now that I think about it, that's pretty much all I got. There were a lot of questions to go unanswered, like the question of why I didn't know him in the first place.

Fast forward to present time; last Monday. A coworker had given me a website that's used to locate people. I've tried different sites before and never got any desirable results, so I was a little skeptical of this site to say the least. I was also growing impatient; it was frustrating being the only one that was serious in finding my brother. My father's mother promised to try and find the last phone number she had that could help me, my brother's mother. No luck there. My father pretty much went into lockdown mode whenever I said my brother's name, so I gave up in asking him anything and decided to do this thing on my own. I'm playing around on the website, procrastinating really, when I decide to give it a shot. I type in my brother's name--and got way too many search results with too much information. Came to the conclusion that I would go back and try his name another time, so I tried typing in his mother's name. How crazy is it that ONE search result came up? The age was about right, the address and phone number were local...and the website had this feature that lists relatives linked to the search result--my brother's name was on the list. There was also a Norfolk, VA address linked to the search result, which was where I was told my brother lives. My gut told me to take a chance, so I wrote down the name, address and phone number of my who I believed to be was my brother's mother; and psyched myself up to call as soon as I got off from work.

IT WAS HER.

My mind was completely blown! She answered the phone, and once I asked "...is this Wilma *****?", things took off from there. She was surprised at how I found her information, and she of course had questions for me--how many more brothers and sisters I have, how old I am, why I wanted to find my brother, etc. Everything was moving so fast, I'd been actively looking for my brother for almost three years, and this is the closest I've gotten. Pretty damned good, right?! Our conversation went pretty smoothly, she assured me that she would give my brother my cellphone number. She couldn't promise that he would call, but she would talk to him because she believes we all have the right to "know who your siblings are, no matter the circumstancs between the parents". I thanked her for talking to me, ended the call and then cried in my car on the way home from work.

...and if you thought it was over...
*insert random 'can't stop, won't stop' Diddy soundbyte*

I'm happy to say my brother called last Friday! He's 38 years old, and I have two nieces and one nephew to add to my auntie roster. They're 20, 19 and 15. My brother's a Navy brat/retired police officer, which is totally ironic considering my distaste for law enforcement. The kicker to our whole conversation was that he told me he lives in northeast Baltimore. It may not seem like a big deal, but understand this: I spent a great deal of my mid-teenage life working in northeast as a mentor/performer, so I'm sure I've crossed him at least a few times, especially in his field. He sounds just like my other brothers, which leads me to believe that he looks exactly like daddy. But we'll see; he said he'd like to meet! I'm so excited and happy...and relieved. I feel like the piece that I thought was missing has been filled. I've always been unsettled with the possiblity that I could've went to school with one of my nephews/nieces (it happened before, I had a nephew in the same grade and same school), or perhaps my younger brother could have been pursuing his niece as a potential suitor, all because we didn't know who our family was! It's truly a blessing to have found him this fast. My mother's proud of me and how much passion I attacked this "case" with, but I find it unsettling knowing that I have a sibling that I don't even know what he looks like. That's about to change.

I'll keep you all updated as Operation: Family Unite/Expansion continues. In the meantime, if anyone has any stories of finding a loved one, sibling or not, feel free to hit up the comment section and spill your guts!

See, Riv? I had good darn reason to be gone, and it wasn't boo loving. Ha! :P

(deuces.)

friday forethought raincheck.

Sorry guys, no FF today. Had a lot going on this week that I'll be blogging about soon. Just need a couple of days to get back on track, and the postage will continue! Nothing negative, besides car trouble today (grrr), but there's a lot going on that needs my focus, so blogger will be on the backburner for a little bit. I'll be back soon. :o)

Everyone enjoy your weekend!

(deuces.)

365.

"Do you know what today is...it's our anniversary..."
-Tony Toni Tone "It's Our Anniversary"

365 days may not seem like a long time to anyone, but it holds significant value to me. See, for the past 365(+) days, I have loved, hugged, spent time with, kissed, dated, shared secrets with, been faithful to and given my heart to one man. Don't get me wrong, I've also had disagreements with, cried over and been upset with this man as well. But the former far outweighs the latter, and considering the emotional hell I've been through in my little time in the relationship field; I'm sure I can relax now. My proverbial knight in shining armor is here! *cue cheesy superhero sound*

Scuba and I are celebrating our first year anniversary today. Today marks one year since we mutually decided to be "exclusive"; one year of dates, meeting parents, hanging with eachother's families; becoming familiar. It's been a rollercoaster ride in the most positive way. I've learned a lot of things from this man, and I'm proud to say that I'm comfortable with the woman I'm becoming even in being with him. I've never once had to question my relationship because I was feeling that I was losing myself. Growth is like a personal mantra, and coincidentally stagnation has never been a concern. Every thing is good!

There's nothing really planned for us to do today, not to my knowledge; but I'm just happy and excited for the simple fact that this is my first first anniversary. Totally something new to me. I was in one other "serious" relationship before Scuba. "Serious" is quoted because well, let's just say after growing up I determined that nothing was really serious, but hormones and peaking puberty lead you to believe so. Digressing. Anyways, for a long time, after my first relationship was over, to put it shortly I was chilling to millionth degree. I mean, if you'd ask a select few of my girlfriends, I was referred to as a pimp. An exaggeration of course; I was just the only one in our circle that was not trying to be bunned up for any reason. They were having movie nights at home with their men while I was coming home from one date to get ready for the next. I was having fun, something I felt I deserved. Eleven months with the other dude left me emotionally frayed and in need of a cavity soul search, and even after him I encountered some guys with alterior motives or just not close enough to my own level for me. Every so often there was someone to have second thoughts on my single life, but they were all deaded before we even got the chance to have one of those late night "have you ever" conversations. What's crazy about Scuba and I being together is solely based around two things: we both met eachother as friends with only friend intentions. When Scuba first started inviting me to hang with him, it was always with a group of friends going bowling or to the pool hall. We both look back at this and laugh at the fact that we both say that there was no immediate attraction to one another, but are amazed at what we've come from. The other reason is that he's physically been close to me before I knew he existed...all my life. I found out he grew up a few houses down from my aunt's house, where I spent a lot of my time as a child; he used to live on a street that's walking distance from my house, and more recently when I first found out where he lives currently I tripped out when I discovered he was 8 minutes walking/2 minutes driving from my house. What are the chances?!

I've made this a bit long, and Scuba just texted me. Looks like I'll be going out :D so let me end this on a mushy note, song included!

Babe,

Happy Anniversary!!! We've been through a lot, but I'm glad that we're still able to press on. I'm excited and looking forward to sharing many more of these special days with you, as if any day with you isn't special enough. You may not think so sometimes, but you've taught me a lot. You taught me to love hard even when I was tired of it. You showed me that I could put my trust in a man and not have to second guess your feelings for me. You showed me that there really is a stronger love that is outside of family and close friends. You opened me up and helped me to be unafraid of my emotions. You make me laugh, smile, cry tears of joy; and I can feel each day with you get better and better. I could never regret anything that I'm saying here even if something were to happen to us, the lessons you've taught me are something I value most in our relationship, and I wouldn't be sad to say that I loved you.

Thank you for loving me, and allowing me to love you in the best way I can. You're one of the many things I thank God for everyday, and I never gave the word soulmate much thought until I met you. You said you aren't going anywhere, and if you're still in for the ride, so am I. I love you.

So Much,
Za

Stand By Your Man

I read this story on CNN.com, and if this isn't the definition of a "ride or die chick", then I officially don't know what is.




"Robin Stearns, 28, watched her husband apply for jobs day in and day out. She watched him scour professional networking sites in an attempt to contact prospective employers.

Robin Stearns created a Web site to draw employers' attention to her jobless husband, Michael.

No response.
Then an idea came to her: Why not make him stand out by starting a Web site devoted to helping him find a job? She used her tax refund to buy a MacBook, which came with a Web site building feature. A few days later, myhusbandneedsajob.com was born."

You can check the rest of the story here.


This woman bought a MacBook (which costs a grip--expensive for no damn reason) with her own money and started a website to help her husband find a job. Selflessness at its finest. Her husband has gotten several e-mails regarding job opportunities since the site's opening. If I was that man, I'd deem everyday "My Wife Is AWESOME" day, lol.

I thnk it's admirable; I hear so many women who claim to be a "ride or die"* chick, but when the proverbial sh*t reeeeally hits the fan, zoom! Out the door, which is understandable in some cases, but if you're out before attempting to fix anything? Consider yourself a wimp. Especially in these days and times, when people are losing their jobs faster than they can say 401-K; who can really show that kind of dedication to the one that they love? I'm with it, I believe that in any relationship, your partner's goals should be just as important as yours, if you're serious. Not more important, but if you are with someone and you're considering spending your life with that person, make a plan. That means "I help you, you help me". Ladies, if your man wants to be an astronaut, help him out by getting information on what schools offer scholarships for his studies. Help him find work! Motivation is key, and he will love you endlessly if you show him you're there. Note: I said motivation, not nagging. Running the "did you do's" by your man is one sure way to annoy the hell out of him, so choose your words wisely. It also works vice versa, so men, if your lady has aspirations of being the best pediatric nurse you've ever heard of, give her a little push; help her study, make some flash cards, do something! You'll feel a shift in your relationship, trust me.

Kudos to you, Robin, you set a great example!

(deuces.)

*"Ride or Die Chick" may be my next Friday Forethought topic. That's definitely another phrase that I hear wayyyy too much.

Ziggy's Friday Forethought 3: "No Homo"

Okay, I'll get straight to the point with this one.

"NO HOMO"

This is definitely a phrase I'm beyond tired of hearing. In my opinion, anyone who says this is a) insecure of their own sexuality and b) immature. There is nothing wrong with a man or a woman complimenting the same sex! There has been some kind of stigma attached to this; if a man compliments another man's shoes that man's sexuality is now in question. Not cool. I got funny looks for saying that I thought Alicia Keys' body was nice. If you are a person who is %100 comfortable with your sexuality, complimenting someone of the same sex on their looks, etc. should not be an issue. After I made my comment about A-Keys' assets, I heard chuckles and got funny looks. I mean, how old are we?

There's not really much I can say about this phrase. It's been around for too long and it's time to put it in the ground. It's over abused to the point of offensiveness, being that it's "used" at totally wrong times.

"Ay man, suck a di*k, no homo..."

"That shirt is hot, no homo..."

And so on.

Just kill it, people!

Has anyone heard "no homo" used at the most inappropriate time? And what do you think of the phrase, funny or phony?

(deuces.)

Why June 2, 2009 Will Be One Of The Best Days Of My Life

One name:

DILLA.

Ma Dukes and Pete Rock have teamed up decided to release a project of unreleased beats and samples by the one and only J Dilla. Titled Jay Stay Paid (J$P), this album will feature music from Dilla's old DATs and floppy disks, as well as a few tracks laid down while he was in the hospital.

I read about this online and was uber psyched. As a huge Dilla fan, any word on an album is good news in my book. But this had to be what sealed the deal for me:

The format of the album plays like a radio show with Pete Rock acting as a radio DJ. While largely instrumental, J$P also features guest vocals from artists Black Thought of The Roots, MF DOOM, and M.O.P. All are artists that Dilla worked with or admired.

Black Thought?! Doom?!? Anddddd M.O.P.?!?!?! Pete Rock acting as radio DJ?! Nerdgasm. Nerdgasm!
The album drops June 2nd via Nature Sounds. I will have it in my collection as early as June 2nd. Oh yes!

(deuces.)

Just Another Manic Monday...

...and I really do wish it was Sunday.

Sitting at work right now, people watching and trying to keep my eyes open. Daylight Savings Time kicked my butt, and the small bout of insomnia I battled over the weekend didn't help either; too many consecutive 4AM (or later) bedtimes really does make you delirious. I have Halo 3, my best friend and Scuba's Super Nintendo to blame. Damn you all!

Anyways, I was checking my e-mail a little earlier, and I got a message from someone who may be an anon reader/follower. She digs the blog, and she wants to know what music I have playing on my page. Now, I never really thought the music was a big deal; I'm a person who prefers to listen to music whilst I surf the 'net so I figured that there are bunches of other people who do the same. I decided to add a playlist to just give you guys a sample of the music I'm into.

Since I got an e-mail about my choosings of tuneage, here's a list of the list--artist name and track title, no links included. I'll add more from time to time, so the list may get longer.

FYI: The starting track, "Breakin' My Heart", was created by myself and my brother. If you remember, I touched briefly on my own musical endeavors. So yes, that's us that you hear when you first visit my blog. I've decided to always have a BlackMuzik track start the playlist, and although I don't list the artists on the playlist, any music by BlackMuzik will be marked with an asterisk. By the way, there's heavy linkage in this paragraph because I want you all to ADD US AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC! :) Please and thank you.

Let the tuneage begin...

-BlackMuzik-Breakin' My Heart

-Radiohead-15 Step

-Raheem Devaughn ft. Ludacris-Bulletproof

-Neyo-Future in You

-B.O.B.-Lonely People

-A Tribe Called Quest-Sucka Nigga

-Nirvana-Milk It

-System of A Down-Atwa

-The Roots-I Can't Help It

-Raphael Saadiq-OPH

-Radiohead-In Limbo

-Lupe Fiasco-Sunshin

-Gnarls Barkley-Surprise

-Brandy-Drum Life

-B-Real ft. Damian Marley-Fire

-N.E.R.D.-Lazer Gun

-N.E.R.D.-Anti Matter

That's it. That's the playlist, in order of appearance. I'll add more pretty soon, so there may be an update. Listen out for some Mamas and Papas, some Pink Floyd, Nina Simone...it's gonna get pretty eclectic.

(deuces.)

A Music Lover MUST Have

This is probably my favorite Marvin Gaye album. Released in 1978, Here, My Dear is noted as being autobiographical, chronicling Gaye's first marriage with Anna Gordy. The story is that the title of the album was for Gordy; receiving royalties from this album was part of the divorce settlement, as well as a portion of Marvin's advance for his next album. Ouch.

If you've never heard this album before, you're sleeping. Honestly.

Anger - Marvin Gaye

One of my favorite tracks on the album. Enjoy!

(deuces.)

Ziggy's Friday Forethought 2: Estrogen Confusion

"But nevertheless don't mean to bust your bubble, but girls of the world ain't nothing but trouble..."

-The Fresh Prince, "Girls Ain't Nothing But Trouble"

I can count the number of female friends I have on one hand.

For as long as I remember, I've always been partial to hanging with those of the testosterone persuasion. My mother was sure that it was a phase; the awkward tomboy lifestyle that usually lasts until you stop wearing training bras, but I'm now well into my 20s and the XY chromosomes are still making their presence known in my life. Honestly, it was never a choice as to what gender of company I keep, but past experiences have taught me some harsh lessons, so I choose to keep my distance. I tried to embrace the female energy, truly I did, but each instance ended the same way: FAIL. I'll change names to protect the "innocent", but here are a couple examples.

-Case #1: Best friends since elementary school, Ziggy and Ashley* finally parted ways when entering middle school. Ziggy discovers that Ashley goes to her rival middle school, and they both have fun running the dozens about who's school is better. Things take a turn for the worse when Ashley and four other girls from her school viciously beat up Ziggy one day after school. Result: FAIL

-Case #2: Ziggy and Mia* have been best friends since birth. They've both equally confided in eachother on various subjects; boys being the majority as they got older. Mia gets involved with a mutual acquaintance of her and Ziggy, which turns sour after a few months. Before the end of their relationship, Mia and Ziggy get into argument due to Mia's incessant sharing of Ziggy's personal business with said boyfriend. Argument almost turns into physical altercation as Mia makes it clear that she is taking boyfriend's side. Violation of "the code"; result: FAIL

Now, these are just a couple of examples, but the most recent permanently seals my opinion and also provides further examples of why I would rather be in the company of the opposite sex. A while ago, after meeting Scuba for the first time, a female I consider to be a great friend said something that both angered and upset me.

"Damn Za, he's a cutie. What's he doing with you, though? I could never figure out how you pull these types of guys; good looking, good head on their shoulders, goals...the sex must be amazing."

*cue Flava Flav sound byte*

Wowwwwwwwwwwww. Seriously, though? Yes. She was dead serious; she really wanted to know. That's my problem. As females, it disgusts me that we have this wack ass crabs in a barrell complex with eachother. Can't be happy for a sista, but you'd love to take the time to dissect and tear down who I am to try and figure out why I have who/what I have. I would have answered my "friend", but I was too busy trying to keep my hands from developing a mind of their own and slapping whatever sense I could rattle up out of her. She basically assassinated my character right in front of me. She failed to perform her duties as a friend; instead of exclaiming her happiness for me, she decided to use her soapbox moment to display underlying jealousy by ripping my relationship apart. Not cool. If I hadn't been so upset, I would have given her an answer, and I'm sure it would have went like this...

"It's funny that you mention that, I'm still trying to figure out why dudes waste their time with you. All you do is sabotage everything. You're so used to being treated like s*it that when someone positive comes along, you automatically thing that something's up when it's not. You don't know how to be happy, so you're choosing to live vicariously through me and insult me at the same time. And although my sex life is not your business, we haven't had sex . Just because you choose to take the whore route by dropping your panties for every dude who blinks twice at you doesn't mean I'll do the same. And the bottom line is, I attract what I am and what I desire. Try changing your way of thinking, and maybe you too can pull a dude that cares about what's in your head instead of head."

I could have taken it there, but I chose the adult reaction; I said nothing, and after that conversation I decided to distance myself from her. If she's saying that to my face, Lord knows what she's saying about me to her friends, mutual or otherwise.

Since then, I've tried multiple times to begin new friendships with females, but there's always too much drama, and I always end up being the advice giver for situations that really don't require much thought. It's all too much work, and I'm a simple person. Besides that, I have my own issues and scrupples that need figuring, so I'm a little picky when it comes to dividing time between things that are important and pointless B/S. I've had too many instances where I've heard something come from a woman's mouth and gave her the "WTF?" face. Just doesn't cut it. Things just don't work out for me, which is totally fine; the female friends I have in my circle now are more than enough.

So, to my female readers (or really anyone who'd like to jump in), do you have a hard time seeing eye to eye with the same sex? Why? I know I can't be the only one to share the same reasonings. Let me know what you think.

(deuces.)

#@%^&#%&#*^!!!!

The blog title sums up how I'm feeling right now.
I'm sitting here, enjoying the start of my Friday; feeling good about certain events that transpired yesterday, when I get this message popping up on my screen:

"You're gonna shit yourself...Angela Davis was at Towson last night, speaking on a panel."

O_o. That's the face that I had when I got the message, and it's the face I still have now.
I'm utterly PISSED! Everyone close to me knows that Angela is my absolute favorite activist, and the fact that I missed her when she was a 25 minute drive away makes me want to slam my head against something that will put me into immediate naptime. I've been trying to find information on where she'll be speaking for a longggggg time, and she was right under my friggin' nose. %&!%^&@%^&@%, I say. %&!%^&@%^&@%.

So, let me drop this PSA: If any readers, followers (publicly and anon), or whoever has information regarding where Angela Davis will be speaking in the Maryland area or any other state, LET ME KNOW! I'm dead serious. I'm willing to drive out of state.

Correction...we're willing to drive out of state. Moms just called, I told her what happened. She wants some info too. So start sharing! Please, and thank you.
Ugh! I can't believe I missed her again!

(deuces.)

If you thought I was playing about that PSA:

dredlockedpoet@yahoo.com

drop an e-mail!

=(

Awkward Turtle!

So...I totally grasp the whole "it's a small world" concept. Six degrees of separation. I got it. But, is there any reason why I needed to experience its...smallness...in IMAX stereo? Let me tell you what happened...

My cousin turned 21 last week, and to celebrate, last night his sister decided to throw a small get together for him when he came home from school. Everything's going great; the family was all there so we got to have some "remember when" moments. Since my cousin is legal legal now, you know there were some adult beverages to partake in, and those "remember when" moments turned into "I didn't know that happened!"; you know you never hear whole stories about anything as a child. We're watching movies, enjoying nostalgia and partying. Allll good.

BAM. My cousin announces that her homegirl is on the way. Nothing unusual, right? Wrong. A few minutes later, said homegirl arrives with her boyfriend...

...and my ex boyfriend right behind them.

Um, wait a minute. Is this some kind of joke?! Apparently it was; my cousin, brother and his girlfriend had a great time pointing and laughing at my clearly visible shock. I haven't seen my ex in years, and here he was in front of me, in my cousin's house! I assumed that he was tagging along with homegirl's boyfriend, that was the only logic that seemed to make sense at the time. So of course he saw me, and simultaneously this Cheshire Cat grin spreads across his face. God, help me. I just chalked his attendance up as pure coincidence, chucked a deuce his way and made my way to the kitchen. Ciroc was calling my name, and I intended to answer.

After I shared this story with the people who know of my ex, everyone had the same follow-up questions: What did you do? Was it awkward having him around? Well, I didn't do anything. After the initial awkwardness quelled, we actually played a nice game of catch up with eachother. And it wasn't uncomfortable having him around because, well, we happened a longgggggg time ago. I'd compare my romantic feelings for him to that of an inactive volcano. I was 16 when I first met him, and up until Scuba, he was my first and only boyfriend. We were serious, too; like that meet some of your family members, take pictures at the mall (in matching gear) kind of serious. Awwwwww. Really, I met him in a time where I was in that crappy low self-esteem phase; I was going through minimal bouts of depression (another story in itself), and things on the family front was just that--a front. He was there to make me forget, and he did a great job of doing so. The only thing that hindered him and consequently us was his desire to have his cake and eat it too. He made jerk decisions, and because I was naive I put up with it for a while, but once I started feeling better about myself, I was able to let go of him without taking myself through a mental rollercoaster. I'll admit, I have missed him from time to time. Not us, but him; he may have been stupid with his decisions but he was and is still a great person. His friend game was tight, but the boyfriend game needed a little work.

I got a message from him this morning, saying that he was happy to hang around me and my brother, and he misses being around us. He also stated that he thinks we should all start chilling together again. Eh. We'll see. This is definitely something I'm going to let play out until I have to make my own move.

(deuces.)

Brain Farts. UGH!

I've been a wee bit stumped in the blogging area for the past few days. It's not that I haven't had the time, I simply don't know what the hell to type. Could I give you more updates? Poetry? News? Weird facts? Who knows, my blog never really a direction since it's conception, but I would like to be a little neat when it comes to subject matter. I think I've done pretty well so far (I have 35 followers! WooHoo!), the feedback I've been getting as of late has been appreciated. Of course I owe that to the readers, who are always awesome of course. :o)

My problem may lie in the fact that my blog isn't centered around one topic. Sure, I could have been just another music blogger, but I have sooooo many more interesting things to talk about! I like sharing (some) personal things, I like sharing knowledge about things people rarely care about...I just like sharing, period. Why do a blog on all things fashion when I'm sure there are 8009408023859405 billion other bloggers doing the same thing? I don't get paid to review books/movies, so why dedicate a page entirely to all things fiction or cinema? I like to blog something whenever I'm inspired to do so, hence my topics ranging from the personal, the musical to the "wtf". But there are so many things going on right now that I'd like to blog about, my brain just decided to overload before I get a chance to hit "save now"; and before I know it I'm starting something totally different.

So now, I ask the readers: should I format, or continue against the grain? I'm a person who does things outside of the box, so constricting myself to one topic would probably do more harm than good. It's not a monumental deal, just something I've been debating lately.

I'm sure you'll see something fresh from me shortly.

(deuces.)