You Guys!!

I'm a year older, working my ass off, and hoping I won't be in the same place mentally and spiritually come this time next year. Random; I know, but I wanted to give you the quickest update possible. Let's proceed!

I've got some blogs for everyone to read, but I really don't have much time to post anymore. So, here's the deal:

-If you consider yourself a musician, songwriter, producer, or artist of ANY kind, I suggest you follow my other blog. It's open to RSS feeds, so there's no excuse!

---->http://ZtotheIG.tumblr.com<----

This is the blog I post on frequently, as it covers everything music and art, as well as BlackMuzik tracks and what's going on with the group. Follow and stay up-to-date!

-After some internal debate, I've decided not to delete my Blogger page. I will continue to blog here, but all my posts will be keeping with the pace I've had before I lost track--all my personal thoughts, rants and soapbox moments. The longer, deep thought posts, you know.

And, I won't be blogging here unless I really have something to post. Which means my posts will be far between, but not too few. I've got a nice bit of saved posts here, and they'll be up after I edit, proofread and possibly re-draft. I'm a perfectionist. It's a gift and a curse.

As I've previously stated, if you're interested in reading something from me at least 4 times out of the week, please don't hesitate to follow my Tumblr blog.

Until next post!

Just (Another) Friendly Reminder:

If you haven't noticed, the URL of this blog has changed. It is no longer spokensoliloquies.blogspot.com. It is

ZtotheIG.blogspot.com

Make those necessary changes so you can continue to keep up with my posts!!!!

Occupations and Irony

If you remember this post, you'll remember my frustration with finding a new job at the beginning of the summer. My time was running out, and although I had the money to keep bills paid while unemployed, the fact that I would be "temporarily unemployed" is what fueled me most.

I'm happy to say that on this coming Monday (8/31), I'll be starting my new job!

Once again; I find myself in the missionary position (NO innuendo!), working as a Therapeutic Aide for the good ol' Baltimore City Public School System. I'm not a teacher in a sense, but I will be observing and assisting one student with special needs for the entire school year. I've already gotten my case file, and confidentiality prevents me from giving any more details...but it looks like I'll have my hands full.

The funnier thing, besides my always ending up with children, is the conversation I had on the phone with my employer yesterday. I was told I would be receiving a phone call late yesterday with my choice of schools to pick from. I never got to hear the list, because as I was told the first school my employer also discovered that said school is 5 minutes away from me--

"Oh, that's perfect! [closes folder] That's where you'll be, then. Here's your client's information..."

So, here's the thing: The school that I've ragged on, blogged about, and little bro graduated from, is the school I'll be working in. Yes. The same school that had its own HBO documentary.

This will be an interesting school year.

Options...

I have none. For now.

Seven days from today, I will technically be out of a job. I say 'technically' because it seems that my job was made "seasonal" at last minute (read: some people are intimidated by the youngest black employee running things), and the higher ups decided to tell me YESTERDAY that they won't be able to accomodate me during the summer.

"See you in August, and enjoy your summer", was the end of the e-mail I received in reply to the e-mail I sent days/weeks ago, to a woman I work right beside who could've easily given me an on-the-spot answer to my query. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Won't go into details, but I'll say it's fulfilled a young nerdy dream of mine. But, as much as I hate to admit, there are certain people who don't want me here, and since they have the "power" to make it happen, it's happened. To start, this job is only part time, but the hours I was promised when I was offered the job were not the hours I've been working since I started. Keeping cool, I've had plenty of meetings with the "higher-ups" about acquiring more hours, and I always got the same answer: "We have to check our budget for the end of our Fiscal year, and get back to you." So, how is it that my coworker with the same job title as me was able to work almost DOUBLE the hours I work per week? I guess I'd be typical for pulling the race card, but damn it I'm gonna do it.

Time and time again there have been meeting after meeting, with no end result. I was accused of being late a certain PERCENTAGE of Fridays and forced to sign a paper stating I received "verbal counseling", while I watch my caucasian counterpart stroll in 20 minutes late everyday without a slap on the wrist. Double U Tee Eff. I've let it roll off my back because I had no intentions of staying here permanently, but I've grown attached to (some) of my coworkers, and the teens I met while working here.

*note: I started typing this yesterday (6/24), and when I came in today I was pulled into yet another meeting. What annoys me is the whole "*Susan says...", and I never talk to *Susan! This job can officially kiss my ass.*

So now, come Tuesday...hell, I don't know. I've known of my "break" since early May, and I've been actively looking for a job since my first conflict with the crazy people here. What's funny is, it looks like they actually expect me to take a break and return at the start of the school year. HA! If I had the means to, I would have quit a while ago. But alas, finding a career in my field of interest is pretty difficult so I've had to hold off my grande exit for some time.

Not finding a job with my deadline so close has really got me in the hair pulling stress stage. My parents have been keeping my spirits up; with the "just pray, and BELIEVE" mantra, which I appreciate and utilize, but Sprint won't keep my phone on if I call them and say "I'm praying I get a job so I can pay this already past due bill. Just believe in me, and I got you!" Neither will my other financial obligations. I have a specific plan and path for my career, and I've got my foot in the door...but I don't want the door to shut.

So now, I'm putting it out there: I'm a certified audio engineer with a degree in Mass Communications...and I'm damned good! If anyone knows of anybody hiring in the DMV area, feel free to drop a comment. I'm so serious.
(deuces.)

I Can't Keep Up!!!

I swear, everytime I log in, there are 30+ blogs posted by the people I follow. I'm reading, but I have to find time to comment!

I feel like I've been neglecting you guys. =(

Connie, I've been reading. Great stuff, girl!
Riv, dope as always.
Gee-Nah, I'm reading!

EVERYONE I FOLLOW, I'm reading!

It'll take me a minute to catch up, but you'll see sporadic comments from me soon enough.

(deuces.)

NAME CHANGE! Read If You Love Me.

Alrighty people, as of right now this blog's url is no longer http://spokensoliloquies.blogspot.com. Keeping things in the spirit of consistence, you are now reading from the new

http://ZtotheIG.blogspot.com

Now, go write it down or change it up in your follow list.

You're awesome!

*glances at blog picture*

I'll change that soon enough.

=)

(deuces.)

Another Missing Pieces Update!

As promised, I have another update on my new found family members! Everything is going great, Mooney has been coming to performances and all. We've hung out a couple of times and are still in the process of getting to know eachother, but so far things are looking up.

The best thing about typing this post is being able to tell you all that he wants to meet our father! I've gotten into the habit of not talking about our father because I know it's a sensitive subject, but so far every conversation about him has been initiated by my brother. I saw him this past Friday and he said he'd like to see him. We both understand that it will definitely be awkward, but it's something that should be done. I'm not expecting them to become the best of friends immediately; taking weekend fishing trips, but anywhere other than where they both are now is a start, and you can tell there's a void that needs to be filled. Super excited about that because I can tell my father has been harboring a lot of pain behind this whole ordeal, which isn't totally his fault, and he's ready to get rid of it after 38 years. I'm looking forward to the "first" meeting.

I've also been getting in contact with my older sister, whom I haven't seen since I almost died in '02 (that's another story). My niece got a chance to come over and visit, she's 14 now and one helluva basketball player. Just found out my nephew actually goes to the high school right up the street from me, so there's a chance I may have driven by him too many times to count. Got some particularly bad news about two older nephews of mine, but I'm hoping they'll be fine. My brother and I plan on going to give them some auntie and uncle tough love, even if one of them happens to be older than me. Obviously, someone wasn't giving them enough of whatever they were looking for.

More updates will follow, hopefully with great news!

(deuces.)

To Tumbl, or Not to Tumbl.

My best friend, who has a blog on Tumblr, has been telling me for some time to give it a shot. "Coding is easier and better to do", and supposedly the themes are plentiful. Now, I'm not deleting this blog; I've gained too many followers to just snuff this one out so soon, but I do think Tumblr may be another avenue for me to post about music; my music, etc. So, with that being said...

...what do you guys think? If I blogged here and on Tumblr, would you read? Drop comments in the box, I need input!

(deuces.)

Guess Who's Back....Back Again...

Yeah...I've been absent from the blogosphere for juuuust a second. To be blunt, the real world is an awesome place. An awesome busy place in my case, for I've been running around like a chicken with no head for the past few weeks. ULTRA busy. Performances. Work. Performances, right after work. Meetings. More performances. Back to work. Etc; get the point? The only way to have an idea of what I'm doing is Twitter, and I only have time for that because I use that straight from my phone. Blog posts take too much thought for me to go mobile. And who knew I could drive out of state so many times in less than a month?! Whew!

Nevertheless, I'm back. Hopefully, I'll have some picture updates for you guys, and info about exactly what the hell I've been doing. A BlackMuzik update/post is in the works, and also a main reason behind my accidental hiatus.

I've been grinding, guys. Cut me a little slack, please?

(deuces.)

Gosh Darn Right, I'm Feelin' Myself.

Well, we're feeling ourselves.

If you listen to the music on this very blog, you're awesome beyond most awesome. If not, I suggest you get to a PC and turn the speakers uppppppppp!!!!!!

A big 'thank you' to the readers who have commented or sent me e-mails about my music. It's all deeply appreciated!

I said it before, and it won't kill me or you if I mention it again...in my playlist, all tracks that are a creation of BlackMuzik is marked with an *.

I suggest you take a listen to the first song on the playlist. I think it's jammin'.

I've finally decided to start talking a little more about my joint venture with my fam. I was apprehensive at first; I'd like this blog to maintain a non-commercial feel, but I also realize that the internet is a very powerful tool...and there are a lot of people reaping the benefits of wackness whilst I sit back in amazement at the newest dance craze via Youtube (wtF is a Ricky Bobby?!). I'm also no fool, I know networking is a small piece in the puzzle to my success. So, why not use it and try my chances just as others have? Right, Susan Boyle? I won't bombard you with polls, try to sell you "I Heart BlackMuzik" t-shirts or remind you that a mixtape is dropping. But; there will be member introductions, and I will inform you on the music we're making, the moves we're going to make, and our overall progress as a company.

Curious or not, this post is the intro to the series of posts that will be about BlackMuzik--who we are, what we do and our plans of world domination.

Stay tuned.

(deuces.)

Juuuust A Reminder...

This is totally pointless.
But...
Click here and follow your girl.

I just hit my 200th update (woo hoo?), so just because of that I'm unprotecting my updates from today until next Friday. After that, it's back to private mode (would you believe I really have stalkers?!). Start following while you can, or send an add request after!

(deuces.)

UPDATE: Missing Pieces

As promised, I told you that I would have an update on my meeting my older brother. Well, everything went great! Jungle and I are still talking about it. We went out to eat last Saturday; my younger brother and I, and my brother and his wife. Moms joined us a little later. We sat and talked for almost two hours before we even ordered anything! When we first got there, Jungle and I played the "do you think that's him?" game, as he had called and said he was 4 minutes behind me. Finally getting inside and passing the brief awkward moment of looking for someone with no knowledge of what they look like, in a public place no less, someone stood up in front of me and said

"Z? I'm Mooney. This is my wife Trina."

This man looks exactly like me. He's short and stocky. That's me in a nutshell, sans the anatomy. Of course I didn't see it as soon as I saw him, but after sitting for a while and examining facial features; trying to catch a glimpse of daddy, I finally started to see the resemblance. Him and little brother's hands are exactly the same. Overall we had a great time. He explained to us that his children wanted to come along, but they all had prior obligations, but they're down for the next time. Jungle already has a 2K9/Madden challenge from his nephew, and both our nieces are eager to meet us. We tripped about the fact that Mooney's favorite thing to do is cook, and his specialty is lasagna; so he's like his father in more ways than one! My dad's lasagna is a crowd pleaser, so hearing my brother say that he loves to cook--without knowing that his father's a beast in the kitchen until I told him--was amazing to me. Him and his wife have been married for 20 years, so not only did I find my brother, but I now have a sister-in-law. The blessings just keep pouring in.

There was a lot of questions asked, catching up and story sharing. What made the both of us excited was the fact that he almost seemed more excited to meet than we did. When he picked up the check once it came, my mother told him that he didn't have to pay for everything. I was so happy when he looked at her and said

"I met my little brother and sister today, so this is nothing."

There were so many highlights of that evening, but I feel I'd go scatterbrained if I tried to reiterate them all. Just know that it was a beyond perfect reunion. We're all supposed to hang out this weekend; the four of us, his children and our younger sister he'd like to meet. There were short bursts of conversation about our father, so I'm taking that as a good sign. 2009 is looking like an excellent year for me. I've found my family, so who knows what else I will accomplish this year!

(deuces.)

Second Chances

Alright.

After much mental debate and persuasion (read: threats from friends)...

...I have decided to give Twitter yet another shot.

Come follow me.

www.twitter.com/zaziggystardust

And this better be interesting, dammit!

(deuces.)

Missing Pieces and Rolling Stones

As promised, I'm back, and boyyyyyy do I have a story to tell. I also noticed that I've been behind on some comments on the blogs I follow, so forgive me; I'm working my way back on track so you'll see something from me shortly!

Alright, I never blogged about this because I'm one of those "don't count your chickens before they hatch" type of people. I wanted things to pan out a little further before I opened my mouth, sometimes when you say something too soon things don't really happen the way you thought they would. I did, however, post a poem via my 30/30 a while back. But, everything seems to be going well so far, and I realized that I may have a reader (anon or otherwise) that has gone through or is going through the same thing, so why not share my story, right?

For the past few years, I've been looking for my older brother. My father told my brother and I about him when we were a little younger, I'd say I was 17 or 18. He never came as a surprise, especially after meeting a younger sister when I was 10, but I was always intrigued because he seemed like a sensitive subject to my father. Whenever I would ask about him, I got the same bits of information: first name (maybe the last), where he may be living...and now that I think about it, that's pretty much all I got. There were a lot of questions to go unanswered, like the question of why I didn't know him in the first place.

Fast forward to present time; last Monday. A coworker had given me a website that's used to locate people. I've tried different sites before and never got any desirable results, so I was a little skeptical of this site to say the least. I was also growing impatient; it was frustrating being the only one that was serious in finding my brother. My father's mother promised to try and find the last phone number she had that could help me, my brother's mother. No luck there. My father pretty much went into lockdown mode whenever I said my brother's name, so I gave up in asking him anything and decided to do this thing on my own. I'm playing around on the website, procrastinating really, when I decide to give it a shot. I type in my brother's name--and got way too many search results with too much information. Came to the conclusion that I would go back and try his name another time, so I tried typing in his mother's name. How crazy is it that ONE search result came up? The age was about right, the address and phone number were local...and the website had this feature that lists relatives linked to the search result--my brother's name was on the list. There was also a Norfolk, VA address linked to the search result, which was where I was told my brother lives. My gut told me to take a chance, so I wrote down the name, address and phone number of my who I believed to be was my brother's mother; and psyched myself up to call as soon as I got off from work.

IT WAS HER.

My mind was completely blown! She answered the phone, and once I asked "...is this Wilma *****?", things took off from there. She was surprised at how I found her information, and she of course had questions for me--how many more brothers and sisters I have, how old I am, why I wanted to find my brother, etc. Everything was moving so fast, I'd been actively looking for my brother for almost three years, and this is the closest I've gotten. Pretty damned good, right?! Our conversation went pretty smoothly, she assured me that she would give my brother my cellphone number. She couldn't promise that he would call, but she would talk to him because she believes we all have the right to "know who your siblings are, no matter the circumstancs between the parents". I thanked her for talking to me, ended the call and then cried in my car on the way home from work.

...and if you thought it was over...
*insert random 'can't stop, won't stop' Diddy soundbyte*

I'm happy to say my brother called last Friday! He's 38 years old, and I have two nieces and one nephew to add to my auntie roster. They're 20, 19 and 15. My brother's a Navy brat/retired police officer, which is totally ironic considering my distaste for law enforcement. The kicker to our whole conversation was that he told me he lives in northeast Baltimore. It may not seem like a big deal, but understand this: I spent a great deal of my mid-teenage life working in northeast as a mentor/performer, so I'm sure I've crossed him at least a few times, especially in his field. He sounds just like my other brothers, which leads me to believe that he looks exactly like daddy. But we'll see; he said he'd like to meet! I'm so excited and happy...and relieved. I feel like the piece that I thought was missing has been filled. I've always been unsettled with the possiblity that I could've went to school with one of my nephews/nieces (it happened before, I had a nephew in the same grade and same school), or perhaps my younger brother could have been pursuing his niece as a potential suitor, all because we didn't know who our family was! It's truly a blessing to have found him this fast. My mother's proud of me and how much passion I attacked this "case" with, but I find it unsettling knowing that I have a sibling that I don't even know what he looks like. That's about to change.

I'll keep you all updated as Operation: Family Unite/Expansion continues. In the meantime, if anyone has any stories of finding a loved one, sibling or not, feel free to hit up the comment section and spill your guts!

See, Riv? I had good darn reason to be gone, and it wasn't boo loving. Ha! :P

(deuces.)

friday forethought raincheck.

Sorry guys, no FF today. Had a lot going on this week that I'll be blogging about soon. Just need a couple of days to get back on track, and the postage will continue! Nothing negative, besides car trouble today (grrr), but there's a lot going on that needs my focus, so blogger will be on the backburner for a little bit. I'll be back soon. :o)

Everyone enjoy your weekend!

(deuces.)

Awkward Turtle!

So...I totally grasp the whole "it's a small world" concept. Six degrees of separation. I got it. But, is there any reason why I needed to experience its...smallness...in IMAX stereo? Let me tell you what happened...

My cousin turned 21 last week, and to celebrate, last night his sister decided to throw a small get together for him when he came home from school. Everything's going great; the family was all there so we got to have some "remember when" moments. Since my cousin is legal legal now, you know there were some adult beverages to partake in, and those "remember when" moments turned into "I didn't know that happened!"; you know you never hear whole stories about anything as a child. We're watching movies, enjoying nostalgia and partying. Allll good.

BAM. My cousin announces that her homegirl is on the way. Nothing unusual, right? Wrong. A few minutes later, said homegirl arrives with her boyfriend...

...and my ex boyfriend right behind them.

Um, wait a minute. Is this some kind of joke?! Apparently it was; my cousin, brother and his girlfriend had a great time pointing and laughing at my clearly visible shock. I haven't seen my ex in years, and here he was in front of me, in my cousin's house! I assumed that he was tagging along with homegirl's boyfriend, that was the only logic that seemed to make sense at the time. So of course he saw me, and simultaneously this Cheshire Cat grin spreads across his face. God, help me. I just chalked his attendance up as pure coincidence, chucked a deuce his way and made my way to the kitchen. Ciroc was calling my name, and I intended to answer.

After I shared this story with the people who know of my ex, everyone had the same follow-up questions: What did you do? Was it awkward having him around? Well, I didn't do anything. After the initial awkwardness quelled, we actually played a nice game of catch up with eachother. And it wasn't uncomfortable having him around because, well, we happened a longgggggg time ago. I'd compare my romantic feelings for him to that of an inactive volcano. I was 16 when I first met him, and up until Scuba, he was my first and only boyfriend. We were serious, too; like that meet some of your family members, take pictures at the mall (in matching gear) kind of serious. Awwwwww. Really, I met him in a time where I was in that crappy low self-esteem phase; I was going through minimal bouts of depression (another story in itself), and things on the family front was just that--a front. He was there to make me forget, and he did a great job of doing so. The only thing that hindered him and consequently us was his desire to have his cake and eat it too. He made jerk decisions, and because I was naive I put up with it for a while, but once I started feeling better about myself, I was able to let go of him without taking myself through a mental rollercoaster. I'll admit, I have missed him from time to time. Not us, but him; he may have been stupid with his decisions but he was and is still a great person. His friend game was tight, but the boyfriend game needed a little work.

I got a message from him this morning, saying that he was happy to hang around me and my brother, and he misses being around us. He also stated that he thinks we should all start chilling together again. Eh. We'll see. This is definitely something I'm going to let play out until I have to make my own move.

(deuces.)

Brain Farts. UGH!

I've been a wee bit stumped in the blogging area for the past few days. It's not that I haven't had the time, I simply don't know what the hell to type. Could I give you more updates? Poetry? News? Weird facts? Who knows, my blog never really a direction since it's conception, but I would like to be a little neat when it comes to subject matter. I think I've done pretty well so far (I have 35 followers! WooHoo!), the feedback I've been getting as of late has been appreciated. Of course I owe that to the readers, who are always awesome of course. :o)

My problem may lie in the fact that my blog isn't centered around one topic. Sure, I could have been just another music blogger, but I have sooooo many more interesting things to talk about! I like sharing (some) personal things, I like sharing knowledge about things people rarely care about...I just like sharing, period. Why do a blog on all things fashion when I'm sure there are 8009408023859405 billion other bloggers doing the same thing? I don't get paid to review books/movies, so why dedicate a page entirely to all things fiction or cinema? I like to blog something whenever I'm inspired to do so, hence my topics ranging from the personal, the musical to the "wtf". But there are so many things going on right now that I'd like to blog about, my brain just decided to overload before I get a chance to hit "save now"; and before I know it I'm starting something totally different.

So now, I ask the readers: should I format, or continue against the grain? I'm a person who does things outside of the box, so constricting myself to one topic would probably do more harm than good. It's not a monumental deal, just something I've been debating lately.

I'm sure you'll see something fresh from me shortly.

(deuces.)

the post of randomness: new section alert!

Take a look to the right of my blog. Yep, right above the followers list.

I'd like to introduce my new section of my blog layout: Why Watch Comedy...When I've Got Family? It'll feature some of the funniest and most random things I've ever heard, from the people I love most: my family. I've got one up now from my good friend Franky, link to his blog is included. I'll try to change it up as frequently as I can, and if there are links I'll provide them.

Yeah, I know. I kinda wasted space, but who cares? I think my new section is theeeee sheeeet. Feel free to comment on them as well, whenever you can.

(deuces.)

umbrella drinks and mopeds

Free drinks.

Free parties.

Beautiful people.

Beautiful atmosphere.

Breathtaking sights.

Quality R&R.

Did I mention the free drinks?!

It was the family's second time vacationing here, but the Dominican Republic is now one of my favorite places to travel to. My brother and I were pretty much "famous" the first time we went (because of our hair, everyone called us "Ras"; and my brother's slightly uncanny resemblance to to Weezy F. Baby), so walking through the steets of Puerto Plata at night was not a big deal, though tour guides heavily advised not to do so. We met a lot of great families, made some new friends, and partied to the point of post party amnesia.

I have here just a few pictures of our trip. Some pictures will have a little story/caption attached. Hope you enjoy, and if you'd like to see some more vacation stories, post a comment and let me know!

Pops was complaining because he "never gets to take a picture with my DAW-TUH!"

Taking it back to the old school...

I only asked for this drink, known as "The Rainbow", because the name was the first thing I saw on the menu. Be advised: this should not be consumed in the wee hours of the morning.

We even party in the rain, son!

Pops was partying the night away

The unofficial sand logo, lol

Isabella, the Pina Colada lady. We had to buy something from us before she cursed us...literally.

My brother made a lot of new friends on New Years. She's a special one, right?

Me and my new buddy Dany, "but for YOU, it's FREEEE!" LOL. Funny stories about this guy. I'd like to call him the Dominican Young Jeezy.

White Russians before the official countdown.

Me and moms posing for the camera before we head out to the New Years shindig

Everyone rides mopeds, you hear me? EVERYONE.

Get a couple shots in before we leave! Quick!

My fam and our new fam that we met while on vacation. We may be related, some last names match.

I've got bunches more, but I think a few is good enough. The entire album will be posted via Myspace, so if you add me (or have added me already) you can view them there. Hope you enjoyed, because I'm glad to have finally posted this! Woo-hoo! Next up: the mythical 30/30, lol...

(deuces.)

for those who worried....

...if you did at all..
I'm not dead! Yayyyyy!
Seriously, it's been almost 3 weeks (yikes!), and I've missed a lot of poems, random posts from the Bad Sum Bitch, 30/30 challenges, et cetera; et cetera. However, there are perfectly reasonable explanations for my absence. As you know, the family took a vacation toward the end of last year. Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic will definitely miss us, but I have lots of pictures and stories to post, so I digress. As SOON as I got back to the U.S., I was faced with something that I've never experienced before, so my brain's crisis control was a little on the fritz trying to find ways to cope. I guess there are no red buttons to push in my cerebrum, so my brain said "SHUT DOWN...NOW!"...and I found myself basically a hermit for almost a week. But alas, I'm here, I'm alive...and I've got lots of crap to post!

As soon as I can get everything in order, you'll be annoyed by me soon. Funny stuff, vacation pics, the rest of the 30/30 (which I'm thoroughly pissed about; they should have posted automatically!), and whatever random things cross my mind.

Happy '09, peoples. It's late, I know; but it still counts.

(deuces.)