I Need A Vacation.

So, I'm taking one! Starting tomorrow, I'll be out of town with the fam and some special friends.
Promise to come back with pictures, and MORE blogs!
I'm back!

Ch-Check Her Out, Yall!

I've got a blog recommendation for you guys.
The Prodigal Princess

She's dope.

Poet, comedian (at least I think so), deep thinker...

...I could type this all day. She's a cool woman with a good head on her shoulders, and I consider her fam. Just check her out!

Another reason: We've got the same name.

BAM!

You won't regret it. I mean, do I promote wack blogs here?

(deuces.)

Nature of the Beast.

he doesn't have
that same sparkle anymore
beautiful brown eyes filled with pain
confusion
doctors say that nothing's wrong
but
his mother knows her son
waiting for him nights on end to come home
only to find "him" sitting at the bus stop
clothes dirty, hair unkempt
waiting on a bus that will never come
unexplainable moments of rage
in a matter of seconds
replaced by the man we all know and love
it's scary to watch the downward spiral
a genius, afflicted by his own mind
torment that no one should bare
has become his burden.


For my friend, who's entering a chapter in his life that no one saw coming.

(deuces.)

a few random things that made my week AWESOME:

-Quality time with my niece

-Getting more hours at work (=more money!)

-Buying a new phone

-Finding someone to buy my old phone

-Not feeling bad about spending money on a phone because I'm getting more than half my money spent right back for selling the old phone

-Finding a check while cleaning up, meaning I know have more than half of my money back from buying the new phone

-Seeing my name in the credits beside "Audio Engineer" at my new job

-Seeing old family and friends at Nu World rehearsal earlier in the week

-Going to the movies twice in one week

...and it's only Friday! Hope your week/end brings you just as much awesomeness.

(dueces.)

an example of how I get through my day...

A conversation with KC via text message:

KC: Once again, somebody mistakens me for Lebanese. *sigh*

Me: LMFAO! Word?

KC: Word. This makes the 4th time this month...I don't even know where Lebanon is

Me: Lol, maybe you should look it up :o)

KC: Naaaahhhhh. I'll just tell them I'm Persian...I know where that is.

Me: LMFAO

With slow Mondays like this, a good laugh is always welcome. Especially during work hours.

I love my friends.

(deuces.)

Chronicles of the Bestie.

She's Mexican.

She's a photographer.

She's tatted alllll the way up.

One of the coolest people you could ever meet, screw a celebrity!

She's from everywhere.

She's my best friend!

Andddd she's awesome.

Go and welcome her to the blog world. Tell her Za sent you, and tell her that I said "Stay your ass put this time!"

If you're into dope photography and randomness, this is the blog for you.

http://kescamilla.tumblr.com/

(deuces.)

Ziggy's Friday Forethought 2: Estrogen Confusion

"But nevertheless don't mean to bust your bubble, but girls of the world ain't nothing but trouble..."

-The Fresh Prince, "Girls Ain't Nothing But Trouble"

I can count the number of female friends I have on one hand.

For as long as I remember, I've always been partial to hanging with those of the testosterone persuasion. My mother was sure that it was a phase; the awkward tomboy lifestyle that usually lasts until you stop wearing training bras, but I'm now well into my 20s and the XY chromosomes are still making their presence known in my life. Honestly, it was never a choice as to what gender of company I keep, but past experiences have taught me some harsh lessons, so I choose to keep my distance. I tried to embrace the female energy, truly I did, but each instance ended the same way: FAIL. I'll change names to protect the "innocent", but here are a couple examples.

-Case #1: Best friends since elementary school, Ziggy and Ashley* finally parted ways when entering middle school. Ziggy discovers that Ashley goes to her rival middle school, and they both have fun running the dozens about who's school is better. Things take a turn for the worse when Ashley and four other girls from her school viciously beat up Ziggy one day after school. Result: FAIL

-Case #2: Ziggy and Mia* have been best friends since birth. They've both equally confided in eachother on various subjects; boys being the majority as they got older. Mia gets involved with a mutual acquaintance of her and Ziggy, which turns sour after a few months. Before the end of their relationship, Mia and Ziggy get into argument due to Mia's incessant sharing of Ziggy's personal business with said boyfriend. Argument almost turns into physical altercation as Mia makes it clear that she is taking boyfriend's side. Violation of "the code"; result: FAIL

Now, these are just a couple of examples, but the most recent permanently seals my opinion and also provides further examples of why I would rather be in the company of the opposite sex. A while ago, after meeting Scuba for the first time, a female I consider to be a great friend said something that both angered and upset me.

"Damn Za, he's a cutie. What's he doing with you, though? I could never figure out how you pull these types of guys; good looking, good head on their shoulders, goals...the sex must be amazing."

*cue Flava Flav sound byte*

Wowwwwwwwwwwww. Seriously, though? Yes. She was dead serious; she really wanted to know. That's my problem. As females, it disgusts me that we have this wack ass crabs in a barrell complex with eachother. Can't be happy for a sista, but you'd love to take the time to dissect and tear down who I am to try and figure out why I have who/what I have. I would have answered my "friend", but I was too busy trying to keep my hands from developing a mind of their own and slapping whatever sense I could rattle up out of her. She basically assassinated my character right in front of me. She failed to perform her duties as a friend; instead of exclaiming her happiness for me, she decided to use her soapbox moment to display underlying jealousy by ripping my relationship apart. Not cool. If I hadn't been so upset, I would have given her an answer, and I'm sure it would have went like this...

"It's funny that you mention that, I'm still trying to figure out why dudes waste their time with you. All you do is sabotage everything. You're so used to being treated like s*it that when someone positive comes along, you automatically thing that something's up when it's not. You don't know how to be happy, so you're choosing to live vicariously through me and insult me at the same time. And although my sex life is not your business, we haven't had sex . Just because you choose to take the whore route by dropping your panties for every dude who blinks twice at you doesn't mean I'll do the same. And the bottom line is, I attract what I am and what I desire. Try changing your way of thinking, and maybe you too can pull a dude that cares about what's in your head instead of head."

I could have taken it there, but I chose the adult reaction; I said nothing, and after that conversation I decided to distance myself from her. If she's saying that to my face, Lord knows what she's saying about me to her friends, mutual or otherwise.

Since then, I've tried multiple times to begin new friendships with females, but there's always too much drama, and I always end up being the advice giver for situations that really don't require much thought. It's all too much work, and I'm a simple person. Besides that, I have my own issues and scrupples that need figuring, so I'm a little picky when it comes to dividing time between things that are important and pointless B/S. I've had too many instances where I've heard something come from a woman's mouth and gave her the "WTF?" face. Just doesn't cut it. Things just don't work out for me, which is totally fine; the female friends I have in my circle now are more than enough.

So, to my female readers (or really anyone who'd like to jump in), do you have a hard time seeing eye to eye with the same sex? Why? I know I can't be the only one to share the same reasonings. Let me know what you think.

(deuces.)

Awkward Turtle!

So...I totally grasp the whole "it's a small world" concept. Six degrees of separation. I got it. But, is there any reason why I needed to experience its...smallness...in IMAX stereo? Let me tell you what happened...

My cousin turned 21 last week, and to celebrate, last night his sister decided to throw a small get together for him when he came home from school. Everything's going great; the family was all there so we got to have some "remember when" moments. Since my cousin is legal legal now, you know there were some adult beverages to partake in, and those "remember when" moments turned into "I didn't know that happened!"; you know you never hear whole stories about anything as a child. We're watching movies, enjoying nostalgia and partying. Allll good.

BAM. My cousin announces that her homegirl is on the way. Nothing unusual, right? Wrong. A few minutes later, said homegirl arrives with her boyfriend...

...and my ex boyfriend right behind them.

Um, wait a minute. Is this some kind of joke?! Apparently it was; my cousin, brother and his girlfriend had a great time pointing and laughing at my clearly visible shock. I haven't seen my ex in years, and here he was in front of me, in my cousin's house! I assumed that he was tagging along with homegirl's boyfriend, that was the only logic that seemed to make sense at the time. So of course he saw me, and simultaneously this Cheshire Cat grin spreads across his face. God, help me. I just chalked his attendance up as pure coincidence, chucked a deuce his way and made my way to the kitchen. Ciroc was calling my name, and I intended to answer.

After I shared this story with the people who know of my ex, everyone had the same follow-up questions: What did you do? Was it awkward having him around? Well, I didn't do anything. After the initial awkwardness quelled, we actually played a nice game of catch up with eachother. And it wasn't uncomfortable having him around because, well, we happened a longgggggg time ago. I'd compare my romantic feelings for him to that of an inactive volcano. I was 16 when I first met him, and up until Scuba, he was my first and only boyfriend. We were serious, too; like that meet some of your family members, take pictures at the mall (in matching gear) kind of serious. Awwwwww. Really, I met him in a time where I was in that crappy low self-esteem phase; I was going through minimal bouts of depression (another story in itself), and things on the family front was just that--a front. He was there to make me forget, and he did a great job of doing so. The only thing that hindered him and consequently us was his desire to have his cake and eat it too. He made jerk decisions, and because I was naive I put up with it for a while, but once I started feeling better about myself, I was able to let go of him without taking myself through a mental rollercoaster. I'll admit, I have missed him from time to time. Not us, but him; he may have been stupid with his decisions but he was and is still a great person. His friend game was tight, but the boyfriend game needed a little work.

I got a message from him this morning, saying that he was happy to hang around me and my brother, and he misses being around us. He also stated that he thinks we should all start chilling together again. Eh. We'll see. This is definitely something I'm going to let play out until I have to make my own move.

(deuces.)

Shutup, You're So Annoying!

I could've titled this better, but King Julian from Madagascar was the first thing that came to mind when I had to think of something funny to keep from getting pissed off.

It's very rare that I have run-ins with insecure males, but for the past few days I've been experiencing a close encounter of the jealous kind. And to think, this started YEARS ago! Allow me to set the stage for you:

-Boy meets Girl
-Girl shows interest in boy
-Girl is happy to see interest reciprocated
-Girl and Boy spend time together and engage in intimate conversation
-Boy suddenly becomes somewhat of a jerk, throwing former "acquaintances" in Girl's face; showing hints of jealousy
-Girl loses interest due to Boy's constant accusations

That's pretty much it. Didn't really get anywhere for my feelings to be attached in any fashion, so there was really no love loss. I kept it moving. He was a homeboy, someone who came over; chilled and played Halo with me. Sometimes we had "relationship" conversations, most of the time we tripped. The problem occurred when he would throw a former friend in my face. He happened to know the guy I was dating before we became cool, so he found it funny to make jokes about dude (henceforth Guy #1) and I . True, me and Guy #1 were a little serious. But, other dude and I had already discussed that situation; I informed him that I was done, and it was (supposed to be) a wrap. My guess is that he must have been in a similar situation before, but the only difference may have been the total opposite of what happened between him and I. Nevertheless, dude continued to accuse me of hanging with Guy #1, so much to the point that it was a part of every conversation. I finally got tired of it and detached myself from him.

Bam. Let's fast forward to today, almost four years ago. In those four years, we've become "hi" and "bye" buddies; having lenghty conversation only when convenient. He also knows of my current relationship, simply meaning he knows that I'm involved. Our talks never get more serious past who's better than who in Halo, so to say that he knows nothing new about me at all would be saying the least.

Imagine my surprise when I heard from him today, and our conversation went a little something like this:

Insecure Yo: So, you got any children yet? Married yet?
Me: Ha, very funny. No children, no marriage.
Insecure Yo: I mean, I thought you woulda had like, 3 kids by now; way you bunned up with ya boy.
Me: What are you talking about?
Insecure Yo: You know, you and Cuba Gooding Jr. looking dude. When you gonna just stop playing and ditch the lame?
Me: Back to this again...
Insecure Yo: Sike, sike; you know me, you know I joke. Nobody worrying about you and Eddie Winslow, whatever the f*ck his name is.
Me: You don't know his name, and what is the point of this anyway? You jealous?
Insecure Yo: Me? Jealous? Nah, shorty; I told you I'm not worrying about you...

And blah blah blah...I made a slightly serious observation, and told him that he loves me. I was really joking, just trying to get him to shut up. He basically took that as his opportunity to reassure me that he's joking, he always jokes, and he's never had feelings for me. It would have been somewhat conceivable if this whole interaction was new to me, and sadly it's not. Dude is barely a year younger than me; you would think the whole pituitary gland/puberty/hormones phases ran its course, some maturity would have been a result. Of course, I'm incorrect. Naturally, I'm stumped because I don't understand his behavior to begin with. It doesn't make sense. I thought it was supposed to be

girl likes boy+boy likes girl=all is well
not
girl likes boy-boy pushes girl away/boy wants girl back after she's moved on=wtf

I liked him. He knew I liked him. He started being an asshole. I got over it. He wants me back? Sounds like that "Got Til It's Gone" Syndrome, and unfortunately, homeboy is a victim. I wish he knew that he could share his genuine feelings with me, instead of this 3rd grade "I know he likes me because he beat me up at recess" mess. We are adults, and we should have conversations like adults. Are his feelings that hurt about whatever that I had to be an outlet for his frustration, showing his like for me in the most immature way? Who knows. I'd rather not deal with this at all, but I have a feeling it'll happen again soon. Sorry for making this so long, but I know someone has to feel my pain. Someone has to have had a close encounter of the jealous kind.

(deuces.)

the post of randomness: new section alert!

Take a look to the right of my blog. Yep, right above the followers list.

I'd like to introduce my new section of my blog layout: Why Watch Comedy...When I've Got Family? It'll feature some of the funniest and most random things I've ever heard, from the people I love most: my family. I've got one up now from my good friend Franky, link to his blog is included. I'll try to change it up as frequently as I can, and if there are links I'll provide them.

Yeah, I know. I kinda wasted space, but who cares? I think my new section is theeeee sheeeet. Feel free to comment on them as well, whenever you can.

(deuces.)

30/30, 20/20 and updates; oh my!

For those who enjoyed the holiday last week, stuffing yourself until your pants opened up on their own, great job.

I'm going to try and keep this brief...
Just took a look at my blog and realized that I haven't posted anything...well, personal...in a good while. I mean, my blog is titled "Oooh, Hecky Nawl; That Guhl Is Raw." for a reason, and according to the tagline I typed for the description, I'm supposed to be guiding you readers (sans seatbelt) through my random, turbulent, awesomely awesome music-filled life. However, the past few weeks for me? Not enough time in the day, not enough emotions in my mental bank or for my hormones to handle, and ultimately no time to blog unless it was something nonrelated to my stressful life--at the moment. Between work, more work, performances, personal problems and holiday time, something had to be left on the back burner. What's been going on, you ask? Allow me to bring you up to speed:

-Spent some time in Philly with the fam. My cousin is a student at UArts and she had a performance/final to put on, so everyone (check the picture) drove up to see her. I enjoyed the whole show, seeing other students pieces was pretty fun, but her piece stole the show. She really made her sister proud. Filling up half of the theater was pretty hilarious as well, all the chairs marked "Reserved for Wombwork Productions, Inc." LMAO, the families of the other students were livid.

-Thanksgiving was wonderful. Dinner at two houses? I won't complain. Didn't really eat much, but the time for family fellowship is always welcome to me. My best friend's also been in town, so I got a chance to hang out with him; and my cousin finally came home from Frostburg State University for the holiday break.

-Nu World was presented with the opportunity to perform for the Archbishop Desmond Tutu. He came to Baltimore to speak about outreach programs in the city. He was very excited to hear "music from home", as we did our very best rendition of a Miriam Makeba classic; a South African freedom song that literally translates "our mothers prayed, and because they prayed; we're still here, we're still fighting and we'll never give up the struggle for total freedom." Awkward moment: the whole event was held in a Catholic church, so after the choir sang their songs, and we performed...no applause. Weird. Very funny man, I swear. He had us (Nu World) cracking up as he practically shat on America, saying things like, "Your country is very funny, yes? What other place can you go where someone drags a man behind a truck, then elects a man of African descent as president?! Amazing!" or "First you have 700 BILLION dollars...then...poof! It's all gone! How?" I enjoyed being in his energy, he's a political icon, and now one more person I can check off of my "People I'd Like to Meet" list. This year alone I performed for the Last Poets, met Amiri Baraka, and now I can say I've performed for Desmond Tutu. Now, if I could just touch the hem of Angela Davis' garment...lmao. She's #1 on the list.

-Got some new specks. Ahhhh, yes, I'm a tad visually impaired. Only a tad, though; I'm not required to wear my glasses all the time, only during long periods at the PC and reading. I think they look pretty neat. The best part about them? F-R-E-E! Yes, I did get up at 6:30AM to make sure I got a free eye exam and free glasses. Free. My favorite word. Ha.

-And finally: Scuba Steve. Wowwwww. We've really been through it since 11/15. I've felt like I've been holding my breath for two and a half weeks, but as of today, everything is okay. Well, not okay; but better than what they've been. We've both got a lot of work to do. I won't go into details about exactly what happened, but I will say that I've matured significantly during this off time. Something from the past (read: before we were together) came back and almost kicked both our asses. Mentally? We were both screwed. A very emotional time for us both. We've even lost a few pounds due to stress. The thought of me having to let him go, and his thoughts of losing me were too much for us to handle. There's that double edged sword I was talking about. This issue was a good bulk of my sort of absence from...well, everything. I pretty much alienated myself from everyone and everything for the first few days, then gradually worked my way back as we tried our best to move along. Scuba and I are basically starting over. *sigh* But...I really believe it's all worth it.

Wow. That was nowhere near brief. LOL, sorry. Last thing, though: I've been promising and promising some poetry for you guys for a while now, and now it's time for me to shit or get off the pot. After doing some brief research in my hometown, I've come to the conclusion that no one has heard of 30 poems in 30 days. However, it won't stop me from doing my own! So after this post, the next blog you see from me will be Day1/Poem1, up until I've reached my 30 days. Thanks to Riv for posting her blog a while back and sparking my interest. Until next time...

(deuces.)

btw: for those who have asked or are wondering...yes, the picture at the top of the blog is me. The good ole days... :o)

he's scoob, and he's here.

My good buddy Scoob, aka Mr. Official, aka the ShoNuff of Snuzz has now entered the blogosphere. It's titled "A Few Things"; just his almost-daily chronicle of randomness, childhood memories and Rolling Road stories. Check him out, I'm pretty sure you'll find some things either:

-Funny as hell

-Random

-Nostalgia inducing

If you weren't paying attention, his link is included.

:)

Just click "A Few Things".

See? I did it for you again.

You're welcome.

i HATE band season, but this guy's pretty awesome.

I hate Morgan State's Marching Band season.
Let me clarify. I love the band. Their horn sections would make Gabriel take notice. The drumline...damn, the drumline. Sickness.
But...if you don't mind not having a life, social or otherwise; and alienation of your family is fine to you, you won't have a problem with the marching band's schedule. Personally, I think it's garbage. LOL, I only have a vendetta against them because it's been keeping me from someone I consider to be a very important person in my life.



This guy?
This is Duane.
And I realized two days ago why I can (and do) call him my best friend.
:)

LOL, I know for a fact that Duane's reading this, so I'm gonna use this time and make this personal. There is a reason to this post (underlying theme: GROWTH), so ride with me for a while or hop out here. Thanks.

So....Duane! The family misses you, man. Jabari, Chao and I were actually talking about you a couple of days ago, and in our conversation I finally came to the realization that you're a grown man now! Wow! When the hell did that happen? We've been around eachother all our lives, the notion of you growing up on me never came to mind. But, here you are now, Mr. Popular at your school, with your facial hair and deep voice, having your own opinion...you make me sick. :)
Seriously though, I thought about all the times our friendship was tested because of those blasted Morgan Bears, and I thought that maybe it was time for me to let you do you. You seem to have fun hanging out with your band colleagues, so why not let others see the light that I see in you, right? I mean, our friendship was almost over in '06, but now that I look back on the whole situation and the events surrounding it...maybe I was being selfish. We both know you haven't had the most splendid time making friends and all--I'll keep it simple and say children are cruel--but now that you're basically a friggin' social butterfly, I guess I'll relax my friend/motherly instincts and back off. I've only missed one band showcase, and that was the last one I missed. You should expect to hear your very own "Dooooooooooane!!!!!!!!!" section drowning out all the others come December 6th. Ha.

All this rambling was done to say this: Duane, you're an awesome human being. We've had a lot of ups and downs, failed attempts at relationships (lmao), beefs and the like; but I love you dearly. You're my very best friend, my brother. And I'm so happy to see you happy in your Degrassi-like universe, rocking the hell out of those quints like they owe you money. I'm really happy to see that you've grown out of that pesky insecure phase. Those people who hurt and teased you in the past just helped to make you more awesome. What makes me even happier is the fact that you went against the grain, failing to become a clone in Bodymore, Murdaland; some random lost soul who finds who they are in the image of others. You're so not them. I'm honored to watch you mature each year and become the man I know you were raised to be. And even though "we" never worked out, just know that from this day forth, there's a teeny tiny spot on my heart especially marked for you. Reaaaally teeny tiny. :) Just kidding, you're the bees knees in my eyes.
Pssst. I know you get the girls, too. PIMPIN'!

Love you, man. See you soon.

(deuces.)