damn, baltimore pt 2: No Title Needed. This is Utter Bullsh*t.

Just in case you were wondering, the Murder Map reports that Baltimore now has 51 homicides this year. But, that's not what this post is about. It's about the fact that the count almost went to 52...

...Scuba could've lost his life the other night.

I won't go into details because this isn't my story to tell, but I will say that I've never seen him so shaken up. Earlier that day, I had been texting him and getting no replies. The phone he had has been acting up for a while, so I logically concluded that that was the reason why; he's previously complained of not getting any messages from me, or getting them hours later. I try to keep the worst case scenario in the further recesses of my mind, I hate wigging out when it's not necessary. Apparently my worst case scenario was right.

I had no idea he was here, but he came to my house around 10:30 or so and had already talked to my parents about what happened. When he finally told me and our mutual friends, my heart sank. Supposedly someone came into his shop pretending to be a customer, asking for someone else who worked there. What happened after that sounded like a movie--the usual weapon brandishing, everybody-on-the-floor demands, and someone was pistol whipped. He also told us that he didn't know the gun was pointed at his head when the guy said, "If I don't get this money RIGHT NOW, I'm shooting him first." His phone, money, credit card and ID were stolen, but that's a blessing compared to what he could have taken. I'm just glad I didn't get that horrible phone call late at night.

I really don't understand what's going on with my people in this city, or anywhere really. It amazes me how people rob/kill people who live in the same area or even the same block as them. NEWS FLASH: that person you just popped? Trying to make it out just like you are. Great job, dumbass. What's sad is that I know for a fact that it'll get worse when the weather finally warms up for the next few months. We have to do better, seriously.

(deuces.)

365.

"Do you know what today is...it's our anniversary..."
-Tony Toni Tone "It's Our Anniversary"

365 days may not seem like a long time to anyone, but it holds significant value to me. See, for the past 365(+) days, I have loved, hugged, spent time with, kissed, dated, shared secrets with, been faithful to and given my heart to one man. Don't get me wrong, I've also had disagreements with, cried over and been upset with this man as well. But the former far outweighs the latter, and considering the emotional hell I've been through in my little time in the relationship field; I'm sure I can relax now. My proverbial knight in shining armor is here! *cue cheesy superhero sound*

Scuba and I are celebrating our first year anniversary today. Today marks one year since we mutually decided to be "exclusive"; one year of dates, meeting parents, hanging with eachother's families; becoming familiar. It's been a rollercoaster ride in the most positive way. I've learned a lot of things from this man, and I'm proud to say that I'm comfortable with the woman I'm becoming even in being with him. I've never once had to question my relationship because I was feeling that I was losing myself. Growth is like a personal mantra, and coincidentally stagnation has never been a concern. Every thing is good!

There's nothing really planned for us to do today, not to my knowledge; but I'm just happy and excited for the simple fact that this is my first first anniversary. Totally something new to me. I was in one other "serious" relationship before Scuba. "Serious" is quoted because well, let's just say after growing up I determined that nothing was really serious, but hormones and peaking puberty lead you to believe so. Digressing. Anyways, for a long time, after my first relationship was over, to put it shortly I was chilling to millionth degree. I mean, if you'd ask a select few of my girlfriends, I was referred to as a pimp. An exaggeration of course; I was just the only one in our circle that was not trying to be bunned up for any reason. They were having movie nights at home with their men while I was coming home from one date to get ready for the next. I was having fun, something I felt I deserved. Eleven months with the other dude left me emotionally frayed and in need of a cavity soul search, and even after him I encountered some guys with alterior motives or just not close enough to my own level for me. Every so often there was someone to have second thoughts on my single life, but they were all deaded before we even got the chance to have one of those late night "have you ever" conversations. What's crazy about Scuba and I being together is solely based around two things: we both met eachother as friends with only friend intentions. When Scuba first started inviting me to hang with him, it was always with a group of friends going bowling or to the pool hall. We both look back at this and laugh at the fact that we both say that there was no immediate attraction to one another, but are amazed at what we've come from. The other reason is that he's physically been close to me before I knew he existed...all my life. I found out he grew up a few houses down from my aunt's house, where I spent a lot of my time as a child; he used to live on a street that's walking distance from my house, and more recently when I first found out where he lives currently I tripped out when I discovered he was 8 minutes walking/2 minutes driving from my house. What are the chances?!

I've made this a bit long, and Scuba just texted me. Looks like I'll be going out :D so let me end this on a mushy note, song included!

Babe,

Happy Anniversary!!! We've been through a lot, but I'm glad that we're still able to press on. I'm excited and looking forward to sharing many more of these special days with you, as if any day with you isn't special enough. You may not think so sometimes, but you've taught me a lot. You taught me to love hard even when I was tired of it. You showed me that I could put my trust in a man and not have to second guess your feelings for me. You showed me that there really is a stronger love that is outside of family and close friends. You opened me up and helped me to be unafraid of my emotions. You make me laugh, smile, cry tears of joy; and I can feel each day with you get better and better. I could never regret anything that I'm saying here even if something were to happen to us, the lessons you've taught me are something I value most in our relationship, and I wouldn't be sad to say that I loved you.

Thank you for loving me, and allowing me to love you in the best way I can. You're one of the many things I thank God for everyday, and I never gave the word soulmate much thought until I met you. You said you aren't going anywhere, and if you're still in for the ride, so am I. I love you.

So Much,
Za

Vulnerable.

Okay, so... I'd like to say I'm sort of tough. I mean, some may agree; judging by my posts, I really haven't posted anything too...open. I always talk about music, something random and always with a splash of humor, sarcasm and real thought. But, every so often, I let loose and simoultaneously let my guard down. It can be a good thing, a great thing...I just hate being too...mushy. If I'm not writing it in a poem, you won't hear it from me. My own defense mechanism. I'll let you in if I deem you worthy enough.

The only thing that gets me open is music. Music is a powerful thing, you know. High frequencies can make you feel alive, jubilant; while lower frequencies can drive emotions of anger and sexual energy. Listen to your favorite Plies song. That's why you feel like stabbing someone after getting it in with your chick...on the same song. Depending on what I'm listen to, if you pay attention you can almost easily determine my mood. I listen to what centers me in a given situation.

Now, if you've been reading, you'll remember my post about Beyonce (hilarious video included) a while back. Well, B's done it again, dammit. I only took a couple of listens to I Am...Sasha Fierce, so I didn't give it a chance to do my usual nerd thing and dissect every track. Recently, Scuba and I had been hitting some rough patches for a little while now, so naturally I've been turning to music to soothe me. I was sitting at the PC one day, letting iTunes randomly play out my life, and I stumble across some of the most beautiful lyrics I've heard...well, not most (do you listen to Phyllis Hyman?!), but given the situation, I was feeling a little sensitive at the time.

Damn you, Mrs. Knowles-Carter, for "Halo".

Halo - Beyoncé

The song was so...necessary at that time; combined with my emotions of the moment, I was almost moved to tears. Some songs (if "formatted" correctly) can tap into your mental, and before you know it, you're belting along, picturing your loved one standing in front of you while you serve him what's his a la "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going". Not that that was me or anything.

I'll have you know, Scuba and I are doing great. Life just has the habit of forcing lessons on you when you least expect it. But the truth is, and I tell him this on a daily basis, this is the best relationship I've been in...ever. The love is there, the respect is definitely there and he's my best friend, so we don't have to worry about awkward moments when it's time to have adult conversations. I could say so much about one man...but I'm tough, remember? That's all you get for one month.

(deuces.)

friday freebie!

Melt
Ignite each chakra

With friendly touch. Baby, our

Connection is ill.

Happy Friday, folks! Another weekend is upon us...and I have NOTHING to do. I tell you, this staying in/saving money thing is agony sometimes. Anyways, I'm off to run errands before work. Got a couple of posts for you later in the day, but for now enjoy the haiku quickie...and these things running through my mind:

-Ron Brownz sucks eggs. I'd like him to jump out of a windowwwwww.

-WTF is up with all these murder-suicides? First LA, then one the next day in Annapolis, then yesterday in Ohio. It can't be that bad.

-When's the next Black Star album dropping? Kweli and Mos, we need you!

Got some others, but this post is a little too random for my own liking.

Everyone have a safe weekend.

(deuces.)

as promised...30/30 continues!

*Don't judge me. I know I took a minute, but if you read my mini disclaimer a few posts back, you should know that this takes time, focus and energy to type. I'm going to compile the rest (14 poems!) into 2 posts. Read, comment, and most of all...enjoy!*

#17 (12/27/2008)- Black Panther

Left fists raised in air

Serve as a bridge for lost souls

Back to the Motherland.

#18 (12/28/2008)-Speak No...

It's the little things

Body language and signals

To say "I love you".

#19 (12/29/2008)-Untitled

Dreams with no standards

Like mind's playground left idle

Devil can play now.

#20 (12/30/2008)-Kinte Cloth and Moonstones

Sitting while others stodd to salute the flag

Just in 2nd grade

Marked different since before she could remember

Home specially tailored into her school uniforms

Made her an easy target for school bullies

But at the same time illuminated her individuality

Now, the things she was teased for

Is what has made her well known

Popular in her own way

While others struggle to stay on the radar.

#21 (12/31/2008)-Body Talk

Funny how we don't need words anymore

Simple nouns and verbs

phrases in Webster's

Can neither define or confine what we have

love bursting through pages

so let's make our own

watch attentively

you'll learn all you need by simply looking at me

just as I watch you

feel my heart flutter after I kiss your lips

and I smile to watch your body sigh

saying you love me without saying you love me

cherish the twinkle in your eye when you've missed me

tightness of your embrace telling me you need me

a love beyond words

spoken so loudly

but no words are ever heard.

#22 (1/1/2009)-The Kitchen

I shake my locs, yeah

Feel just like a lioness

When I do it, too.

#23 (1/2/2009)-The Kitchen (Extended)

they're free when I can't be

defying the laws of media

very rare that you see these on tv

follicle breeds into follicle

strands tight enough to break teeth

no comb breching through here

and please, don't get it confused

my locs are in no way fashionable

adorning my head like a crown

make a statement without making a statement

history in each root

fusing my mind's energy for all to see

flowing past my shoulders

creating their own dance as they finally curtain my back

doubling as a cape and shield

like samson

here is where I harness my strength

so requests to touch are easily denied

no one is just granted access inside

my locs represent something that is never fully understood

me.

psychology.

*before I begin, I'd like to gloat and say...check out my blog spree, kid.

B-)

True, it's not what I've been saying I'll post; truthfully, I know those posts will require more attention and time. This post, the five previous, and maybe more to follow, have been strictly off the cranium. Happenstance, if you will. I'd advise you to enjoy it while it lasts; I'm human, and subject to brain farts, thus; lack of focus/drive from time to time. To be frank: Blogging won't be priority for some time. :)

I'm taking this mental regurgitation as a blessing, because writing is definitely still my second greatest release. Music is still the first love. Although, some would argue that writing/poetry is music. I'm rambling.

To the post.*

I talk about Scuba Steve a lot. But, honestly, at the end of the day; Scuba isn't the one who brought me into this world and basically molded me to love him (ha, my own "I love you", to you babe). I've gotta talk about the woman who knows me better than any person ever will. Seriously. We shared an umbilical cord, man. An umbilical cord.

It's mommy!

Twins, right? Those who know us know that it's terribly difficult to distinguish who's who over the phone; and I've been subject to many an unwanted conversation because people call for moms, assume it's her when it's really me, and keep talking. She's the one who I tell literally everything to; I confide in her even when some things I tell her may hurt her, because she wants to be there for me in any way possible. She helps me when she knows she shouldn't or doesn't have to. We compete against eachother in silly little contests, like the ticket stub count. And no matter how many times she may say it, I really do know a good half of those life lessons she's always talking about. I'm an old soul, and I credit that to her, but she sometimes doesn't give me credit in knowing because...well, she's mommy.
My mother is a mental health therapist. She used to work directly with clients; substance abusers who have mental illnesses, but now she serves as a Grant Director for a counseling program. Smart as a whip. And due to her psychology background, she often benefits in having in-house patients: myself, my brother and father. Last night, my brother and I were tripping because we finally figured out one of moms' tactics. Ha! We finally have it down to a science. It's like this: you're in trouble, and YOUR response could either further the trouble you're in, or kill the whole situation. You can either diffuse the situation, or say the wrong thing and face consequences. The thing about the latter is...she can confuse you; make you think you're off the hook, then the next thing you know, it's 7AM (on your day off) and you're the victim of a random tongue lashing while half asleep. No bueno.

So, moms: we've got you figured out, somewhat. Regardless of the mind games (ohhhhh, the games), you're still an awesome woman. Don't stop being awesome.
I'm only being cheesy-nice because I'm hoping to inherit that psychology gene to use on my children. I've been waiting for so long to say "because I said so!"...*evil laugh*

(deuces.)

poem 14/30: another poem about you

haven't known you long
but i can write about you as if i've known you forever
you've been walking along the path of my future
waiting to meet me
it's almost as if you watched me go through pain
frustration
confusion and hurt
understood those temporaries
and did exactly the opposite
i requested one thing from you
in return you gave me the world
your world.
kisses dance on my lips
making mental soundtracks to fit every moment we've spent together
even the cheesy moments get honorable mentions
"you miss me?"
"baby, i miss you when i blink and you're right in front of me."
levels of corny only we know
serve as laugh tracks
set to cue during the dramatic/traumatic scenes
break the uncomfortable silence
things to look back on, only to look forward
too
i now quench for those moments
bring back the normalcy
my appetite for you is insatiable
and it's because you make it so
giving me your all
one piece at a time
leaving me something to look back and cherish
and once again
look forward to.

30/30, 20/20 and updates; oh my!

For those who enjoyed the holiday last week, stuffing yourself until your pants opened up on their own, great job.

I'm going to try and keep this brief...
Just took a look at my blog and realized that I haven't posted anything...well, personal...in a good while. I mean, my blog is titled "Oooh, Hecky Nawl; That Guhl Is Raw." for a reason, and according to the tagline I typed for the description, I'm supposed to be guiding you readers (sans seatbelt) through my random, turbulent, awesomely awesome music-filled life. However, the past few weeks for me? Not enough time in the day, not enough emotions in my mental bank or for my hormones to handle, and ultimately no time to blog unless it was something nonrelated to my stressful life--at the moment. Between work, more work, performances, personal problems and holiday time, something had to be left on the back burner. What's been going on, you ask? Allow me to bring you up to speed:

-Spent some time in Philly with the fam. My cousin is a student at UArts and she had a performance/final to put on, so everyone (check the picture) drove up to see her. I enjoyed the whole show, seeing other students pieces was pretty fun, but her piece stole the show. She really made her sister proud. Filling up half of the theater was pretty hilarious as well, all the chairs marked "Reserved for Wombwork Productions, Inc." LMAO, the families of the other students were livid.

-Thanksgiving was wonderful. Dinner at two houses? I won't complain. Didn't really eat much, but the time for family fellowship is always welcome to me. My best friend's also been in town, so I got a chance to hang out with him; and my cousin finally came home from Frostburg State University for the holiday break.

-Nu World was presented with the opportunity to perform for the Archbishop Desmond Tutu. He came to Baltimore to speak about outreach programs in the city. He was very excited to hear "music from home", as we did our very best rendition of a Miriam Makeba classic; a South African freedom song that literally translates "our mothers prayed, and because they prayed; we're still here, we're still fighting and we'll never give up the struggle for total freedom." Awkward moment: the whole event was held in a Catholic church, so after the choir sang their songs, and we performed...no applause. Weird. Very funny man, I swear. He had us (Nu World) cracking up as he practically shat on America, saying things like, "Your country is very funny, yes? What other place can you go where someone drags a man behind a truck, then elects a man of African descent as president?! Amazing!" or "First you have 700 BILLION dollars...then...poof! It's all gone! How?" I enjoyed being in his energy, he's a political icon, and now one more person I can check off of my "People I'd Like to Meet" list. This year alone I performed for the Last Poets, met Amiri Baraka, and now I can say I've performed for Desmond Tutu. Now, if I could just touch the hem of Angela Davis' garment...lmao. She's #1 on the list.

-Got some new specks. Ahhhh, yes, I'm a tad visually impaired. Only a tad, though; I'm not required to wear my glasses all the time, only during long periods at the PC and reading. I think they look pretty neat. The best part about them? F-R-E-E! Yes, I did get up at 6:30AM to make sure I got a free eye exam and free glasses. Free. My favorite word. Ha.

-And finally: Scuba Steve. Wowwwww. We've really been through it since 11/15. I've felt like I've been holding my breath for two and a half weeks, but as of today, everything is okay. Well, not okay; but better than what they've been. We've both got a lot of work to do. I won't go into details about exactly what happened, but I will say that I've matured significantly during this off time. Something from the past (read: before we were together) came back and almost kicked both our asses. Mentally? We were both screwed. A very emotional time for us both. We've even lost a few pounds due to stress. The thought of me having to let him go, and his thoughts of losing me were too much for us to handle. There's that double edged sword I was talking about. This issue was a good bulk of my sort of absence from...well, everything. I pretty much alienated myself from everyone and everything for the first few days, then gradually worked my way back as we tried our best to move along. Scuba and I are basically starting over. *sigh* But...I really believe it's all worth it.

Wow. That was nowhere near brief. LOL, sorry. Last thing, though: I've been promising and promising some poetry for you guys for a while now, and now it's time for me to shit or get off the pot. After doing some brief research in my hometown, I've come to the conclusion that no one has heard of 30 poems in 30 days. However, it won't stop me from doing my own! So after this post, the next blog you see from me will be Day1/Poem1, up until I've reached my 30 days. Thanks to Riv for posting her blog a while back and sparking my interest. Until next time...

(deuces.)

btw: for those who have asked or are wondering...yes, the picture at the top of the blog is me. The good ole days... :o)

no subject.

So, Riv ; I've got a haiku too. No dis, just...all I could say at the time.

Untitled.
hearts stitched upon sleeves
ultimately tread upon
it was mine to give.

Taking a break from blogger/Myspace/Facebook/life/friends/family/whatever.

Be back when I'm back.

(deuces.)

11/6; no candles, but he's my flame.

You're such a grown ass man.

:o)

I've watched you grow one year older...twice! Time flies.

But I'm happy to know that I'll be by your side to witness many more.

"AYO!"

Happy Birthday, baby.

♥

the battle continues...

I think it's the flu. Thanks to my brother (the original Host), I'm laying in bed, typing on this slow ass laptop, trying to get some work done. The right side of my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton, and some other crap. Juuuust the right side.
Had to call out from work yesterday. Missed work today, and some extra hours at another branch. Ugh! Money is calling, and my germy ass can't answer.
Bright side of things: Scuba Steve stopped by yesterday. Gave me a box of tissues, some TheraFlu...and a Care Bear! Grumpy Bear, to be precise.
I collect Care Bears.
:) the little things...♥

btw: got some new things to post; be back when I can make it downstairs without almost dying.

(deuces.)

edit: I just remembered that I bought tickets for Scuba Steve and I to see Murs, Kidz In The Hall and Rapper Big Pooh. The show's tomorrow. I need to get it together!

wrap it up, b!

So...it's been a few days. My bad. BUT...it's all for good reason.

Friday was my BIRTHDAY!

23 like Jordan. >:D

I really didn't expect to do/get much for my birthday; I'm at those "in between" years when you should basically thank God for living another year, and do whatever you feel is necessary to celebrate. No parties. However, I was proven wrong all weekend as I partied until I was floored! I believe the partying started Thursday night, and it was nowhere but up from there. Went and caught Saw V on Friday night, just a small group of folks; myself, Scuba Steve, my brother and his girl, a homeboy of mine and some old college friends of mine. I was invited to a surprise party on Saturday night, and Sunday, after Nu World's show; I threw a little gathering for the cast at my cousin's house.

Just basic stuff, but being surrounded by the folks I love made everything much more fun. Also took my mind off some depressing thoughts, as I will always remember my 21st birthday and the days surrounding it more vividly than any other birthday, ever. The events that occured before/after my 21st are not something I would wish to relive again, and ever since I've been finding myself, around 10/08, getting sadder and sadder. Definitely wasn't the case this year, so I'm beginning to feel like the curse has been broken!

My gifts were quite possibly the most kickass gifts I've gotten, not due to material value (BLAH), but simply because of who they came from. I'm a sneaker freak...and my brother bought me the first pair of Js I've ever owned. (LMAO@ that sentence. It is cool for black people to have never owned Jordans, right? People looked at me like I was crazy when I said I've never had a pair...not because I couldn't afford them, just not really into them. Gimme a pair of Chucks and we're good.) Moms got me a couple items from Zumiez and H&M, and pops slid some money my way, so more shopping was definitely in order come Saturday. I didn't ask for much...well, I didn't ask for anything, really; nothing specific that I wanted/needed, so whatever I got was a surprise to me. But...Gift of the Year Award has to go to Scuba Steve.

-two cards with mushy "i love you/you're my world/insert corny stuff here" content inside. one written by maya angelou, courtesy of hallmark

-tye die skirt with Rasta colors

-necklace with a sun pendant (he calls me "sunshine" *cheesy grin*)

-bottle of Patron XO Cafe (probably should be considered an alcoholic for loving this gift, but screw it; i like Patron. And XO Cafe is something I experienced once, and enjoyed...and I guess talked about too much? Maybe.)

And this took the cake.

Yes! A framed Angela Davis photo!

I don't call people "idols", but I will say that Ms. Davis is my inspiration. I've been writing to her, trying to find out if she's going to be speaking on the east coast, reading about her; for years. When I pulled this out of my bag, I almost cried. And the gifts may not seem like a lot to some, but I'm pretty simple when it comes to gift. Some people probably lie when they say this, but the thought really does count! And Angela's the best gift ever.

10/24 is now in the books.

crazy ass cat not included.

*side note* I'm sending my thoughts and prayers out to Jennifer Hudson. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with this blog, but I'm looking at cnn.com, and they just reported that the SUV's been found; possibly with the body of a little black boy inside. Sick, sick world we're living in.

we've got this.

So...last Monday? HORRIBLE.
Won't get into specifics...not necessary...and dwelling on the negative is soooo...negative.
Had a close call with Scuba Steve.
But, we're cool.
Lots of tears shed, from mine and his eyes.
(sorry if I made you seem soft, babe; but I wanna tell this story)
What I do love most about Monday is the simple fact that we were adults about the whole situation. No raised voices, no words said that were better left unsaid. Just raw emotion. And hurt feelings.
I told him I was disappointed. But...if we are both willing to communicate, no matter the circumstance, then things would work between us. It won't be easy, but if we both love eachother like we say we do, there's no problem we can't conquer together. Granted, the situation presented should have left one of us pissed off, and one hurting (you figure out who), but here are some things I learned during this relationship:

-My trust issues still linger, no matter how much I may convince myself otherwise.

-My love for him is really the strongest I've ever encountered.

-I really am a patient person.

-Communication, or lack thereof, will either make or break your relationship.

-No matter how much I may have cursed him in my mind (the few times I did, ha), or say "I swear, if he...then I'm gonna do..."...my logic (and my heart) kicks in before I have a chance to carry any of this out.

-Arguing takes more effort than solving the problem...when in love. I say this because when you argue, you find yourself not wanting to say/do certain things that may be further damaging to your situation; so matter how hurt you are, understand that more damage than what's already been done is really pointless.

Learned a lot more, but this is just the basis. I'm just glad we're slowly but surely working our way back to %100.

The random "I'm sorry" text messages makes the glue to put us back together.

And...there's no point in staying mad if, at the end of the day, he says "Babe, I love you" and I say "I love you, too."

That's pretty much the only thing that matters.

so...what had happened was...

My bad.

I've been slacking with the blog postage.

But let me just say, for the record...

...last week was probably the roughest week I've had. All year.

For starters:

Monday: Fight and potential breakup with Scuba Steve.

(problem solved, maybe a blog on that later. I'm looking at it now, actually...waiting to be edited. Yeesh.)

Tuesday: Small fight with the best friend about the fight with the boyfriend.

(problem solved. dodged a bullet. again.)

Wednesday: Fight with moms. Need I say more?

(problem solved; i just chalk up moms trippy episodes to "the change". cruel? maybe.)

Thursday: Car trouble, almost missed work.

(problem...not solved. transmission may be going up. and that's a grip to fix. ugh!)

The rest of the week was just me nearly killing my brain with overanalyzing the arguments; "what ifs" and "whys" taking over every part of my brain. Not cool.

I'd like to blog about most of this, but it's still all too much for me to process at one time. To top it off, yesterday was officially the 2nd year since my godmother's passing. A godmother may not seem like much to some, hell, I know people who don't have godparents; but this particular woman played a major part in shaping the mold that is my life. Working on something about that, too. See? Too much!

I also need to (finally!) post another video on my YouTube channel. *sigh*

Promise I'm gonna start catching up on this stuff.

♥

pssst. one thing I will say about last monday: I learned another reason why love is a double edged sword. And I also learned why estrogen has its cons sometimes.

;)

it really does, though.

10/24....the dopeness arrived.

swoonage.

It's almost as if breathing on my own has become just another thing I've picked up to past the time without you.

Pet names
Future plans

Long hugs (and cuddling!)

Cute jokes

"Ayo..." "AYO!"

Long intimate convos

Even the random outbursts...

Thank you.

You've unkowingly given me the world.

Oooh, hecky nawl; that guhl is raw.

So...after much thought, procrastination, hesitation, preperation, minus this Jesse Jackson moment; I finally gave in and decided to open up my own blogspot. I've been a user of Myspace for the past couple years, and I'm pretty lazy when it comes to socializing; so, in that; I really could careless about sites with different names, but with the same aim. In my hermit mentality, it begins to present a problem: encountering the same people. I've posted 42 blogs on Myspace, and garnered the same response from some things I posted that, forgive my vanity; I thought was thee shit. And now, here I am, chilling with my feelers out; looking for those with my intellect.

I figured my "about me" was really kind of short, so I jacked some info from my Myspace life to share with you. But of course, being a multi dimnensional human such as my self (forgive the vanity again), this little peek into the window of the universe that is my mind will never be enough. Enjoy. And expect a new blog from me when...well, when I get that urge.

Hmmm. What can I really say about myself? There's really nothing out of the ordinary about me; the simple things make me...well, me. I'm a twenty two year old drummer, poet, actress, writer, yada yada yah...I'm an artist. My passion is music, and it's been so since my birth. If you consider yourself a friend to me, you'll know that my inspiration is Angela Davis, and no; it's not for her afro. I was pretty much raised to be the militant person I am today. How would you be if you were toted around to Louis Farrakhan speeches, attached to your mother's back in a homemade, African style baby carrier; or growing up in a household where the "Saturday House Cleaning" music included the likes of Fela Kuti, Third World, The Last Poets, Gil Scott Heron...see? I have my parents to thank gratefully for that. Music pretty much defines me, and I'm never biased toward it. You could see me bumping A Tribe Called Quest one minute, and The Mamas and the Papas in the next. I just might be the biggest Halo junkie in Baltimore City, and my best friend Duane and I will gladly scrape you in Team Doubles. Like to see me? I also love to play Rock Band (drums, of course) until my shins feel like they'll explode.

My nerdiness makes me. I can't play spades to save my life, but I can read an entire Harry Potter book in one sitting. Pick one; I have them all. I speak fluent Ubbi Dubbi and have a grand time confusing the hell out of people with it. My "outside the house" life includes skateboarding and collecting my movie ticket stubs for the entire year. Any ticket stubs, really. My mind is a catalog, containing some of the most useful, useless, wonderful information you'll ever need/want to know. I have song/movie quotes for days, and some apply to daily life. Not a big fan of Zane, or any of those "blaxploitation" books, really; but ask me how "Kindred" by Octavia Butler was. I never went pro, but basketball will always be my love. I have a very best friend named KC who lives in Atlanta; put us together in public and I'm pretty sure you'll escorted out of wherever you are. She's very random, much like me, so we're a matchmade in...whereever random people are made. And for the first time in my life, I can say, with much conviction, that I am in love. His name is Scuba Steve...well, that's what I call him. Point is, he makes me feel like I could sprout wings and fly to another galaxy if I wanted to. But I'd have to bring him with me. I'm pretty sure my heart will combust if it gets any bigger. That would be him a few lines up. :) Awesome, right? *sigh*.

All in all, I'm a big nerd who wanted to be a meteorologist in her younger days; with a sometimes mean streak (I've been told), who loves all music and all people. I don't waste my time biting my tongue; sugarcoating is for candy. I work at the library, and I teach kids. I hate arrogance and ignorance, but dry humor and sarcasm will always be favorites of mine. I spend most of my time dissecting the works of George Jackson, Amiri Baraka, Zora Neale Hurston, Toni Morrison, so many more; and vibing to Dead Prez when I'm feeling like "fighting the man". I'm the one that'll attend a skinhead rally with my "Imported from Africa...and I Didn't ask to Come" shirt on...and sit right in the front. I'm just that damn bold. And I really do own that shirt, lol. My circle of friends is tighter than airport security on July 4th. Raised Christian, practicing Human Being; so my tolerance for learning is always very high. I'm Rock/Pop/Hip Hop/Reggae/Soul/R&B/Gospel/Jazz/Country/Emo/Metal/Punk/Techno...etc. I'm Za. Think I'm cool? Ha, I do too.