Ziggy's Friday Forethought 2: Estrogen Confusion

"But nevertheless don't mean to bust your bubble, but girls of the world ain't nothing but trouble..."

-The Fresh Prince, "Girls Ain't Nothing But Trouble"

I can count the number of female friends I have on one hand.

For as long as I remember, I've always been partial to hanging with those of the testosterone persuasion. My mother was sure that it was a phase; the awkward tomboy lifestyle that usually lasts until you stop wearing training bras, but I'm now well into my 20s and the XY chromosomes are still making their presence known in my life. Honestly, it was never a choice as to what gender of company I keep, but past experiences have taught me some harsh lessons, so I choose to keep my distance. I tried to embrace the female energy, truly I did, but each instance ended the same way: FAIL. I'll change names to protect the "innocent", but here are a couple examples.

-Case #1: Best friends since elementary school, Ziggy and Ashley* finally parted ways when entering middle school. Ziggy discovers that Ashley goes to her rival middle school, and they both have fun running the dozens about who's school is better. Things take a turn for the worse when Ashley and four other girls from her school viciously beat up Ziggy one day after school. Result: FAIL

-Case #2: Ziggy and Mia* have been best friends since birth. They've both equally confided in eachother on various subjects; boys being the majority as they got older. Mia gets involved with a mutual acquaintance of her and Ziggy, which turns sour after a few months. Before the end of their relationship, Mia and Ziggy get into argument due to Mia's incessant sharing of Ziggy's personal business with said boyfriend. Argument almost turns into physical altercation as Mia makes it clear that she is taking boyfriend's side. Violation of "the code"; result: FAIL

Now, these are just a couple of examples, but the most recent permanently seals my opinion and also provides further examples of why I would rather be in the company of the opposite sex. A while ago, after meeting Scuba for the first time, a female I consider to be a great friend said something that both angered and upset me.

"Damn Za, he's a cutie. What's he doing with you, though? I could never figure out how you pull these types of guys; good looking, good head on their shoulders, goals...the sex must be amazing."

*cue Flava Flav sound byte*

Wowwwwwwwwwwww. Seriously, though? Yes. She was dead serious; she really wanted to know. That's my problem. As females, it disgusts me that we have this wack ass crabs in a barrell complex with eachother. Can't be happy for a sista, but you'd love to take the time to dissect and tear down who I am to try and figure out why I have who/what I have. I would have answered my "friend", but I was too busy trying to keep my hands from developing a mind of their own and slapping whatever sense I could rattle up out of her. She basically assassinated my character right in front of me. She failed to perform her duties as a friend; instead of exclaiming her happiness for me, she decided to use her soapbox moment to display underlying jealousy by ripping my relationship apart. Not cool. If I hadn't been so upset, I would have given her an answer, and I'm sure it would have went like this...

"It's funny that you mention that, I'm still trying to figure out why dudes waste their time with you. All you do is sabotage everything. You're so used to being treated like s*it that when someone positive comes along, you automatically thing that something's up when it's not. You don't know how to be happy, so you're choosing to live vicariously through me and insult me at the same time. And although my sex life is not your business, we haven't had sex . Just because you choose to take the whore route by dropping your panties for every dude who blinks twice at you doesn't mean I'll do the same. And the bottom line is, I attract what I am and what I desire. Try changing your way of thinking, and maybe you too can pull a dude that cares about what's in your head instead of head."

I could have taken it there, but I chose the adult reaction; I said nothing, and after that conversation I decided to distance myself from her. If she's saying that to my face, Lord knows what she's saying about me to her friends, mutual or otherwise.

Since then, I've tried multiple times to begin new friendships with females, but there's always too much drama, and I always end up being the advice giver for situations that really don't require much thought. It's all too much work, and I'm a simple person. Besides that, I have my own issues and scrupples that need figuring, so I'm a little picky when it comes to dividing time between things that are important and pointless B/S. I've had too many instances where I've heard something come from a woman's mouth and gave her the "WTF?" face. Just doesn't cut it. Things just don't work out for me, which is totally fine; the female friends I have in my circle now are more than enough.

So, to my female readers (or really anyone who'd like to jump in), do you have a hard time seeing eye to eye with the same sex? Why? I know I can't be the only one to share the same reasonings. Let me know what you think.

(deuces.)