Friday, April 10, 2009

Ziggy's Friday Forethought 6: Standards

This post will be short and to the point, and it piggybacks off of the FF post a couple of weeks back. The only different is that it applies to the estrogen powered human beings.

But fellas, that doesn't mean you can't learn something as well. :o)

I'm officially tired of the men/women who complain about their significant others.

What pisses me off more is the whole "there aren't any more good black men" statement. It's become a mantra to some females, and it's sad and funny to hear them chant it--all the while, still dating the same dude they've been unhappy with for years. Oftentimes us women get into relationships and do something we shouldn't do until (you feel it's) necessary--settle. We put up with things that we know we can't stand, but out of fear of being alone, we put up with whatever it is we dislike in hopes that "he'll change". Which of course is another strike. Why try to change a man/woman, when you can simply go and find a better person that suits your needs? What's even funnier is this excuse...

"If I leave him/her, I'm gonna be mad to see him/her with someone else, doing better than he/she was with me. Especially after I put in all this work..."

I get it, I get it. It's like...leaving a pot after you've been waiting for it to boil, and as soon as you turn your eyes away, it boils over...right? Right.

In a galaxy far, far away, I used to be one of those women. Low self esteem, putting up with just about anything. I used to think my standards were too high, but as I got older I soon realized that I'm really not asking for much. I'm not a golddigger; I don't need a man's money/legacy/empire to complete me. Give me the basics and we're good. If I find myself unable to deal with a man's flaws, then it's my call to sever ties and keep it moving. I will not waste my own valuable time trying to make a man, or anyone for that matter, into something they're not or don't aspire to be. Also, come to the grips with the notion that there's nothing wrong with having standards! You should always want something/someone equal or greater than yourself. The key is growth, and if you feel yourself growing but your partner isn't, it's not time to change him/her. It's time to move on. As much as it may hurt, sometimes these things happen, and how you deal will eventually become a pattern in future relationships.

If you don't have standards at all, therein also lies your problem. There's nothing wrong with a mental list of pros and cons, but getting into a relationship and complaining because your partner isn't exactly who you thought they'd be won't cut it. Standards are starting to dissipate for us women because we lack the patience (and sometimes the sense) to figure out our likes and dislikes. You can't change anyone but yourself, and a man won't change for you because he already thinks he shouldn't have to...especially not for a woman who he thought was down for him from the beginning.

I'd really hate to see standards become cliche in 2009. Let's get it together, people!

Be blessed, and enjoy your weekend!



nianicole said...

aahh...just what i needed to hear.
and to think iw as just about to let some knucklehead- nevermind. thanks for the insight.

The Notorious Z.A.G. said...

I think in relationships we all hem and haw a little... But if you really truly love someone, there's nothing about him/her that you would change anyway!! Focus on growing together, and fine tuning...not a complete damn overhaul; that's ridiculous!!
Shout out to my best friend and my love4life MrBurghardt whatup ol' buddy ol' pal??! LOL