is the economy to blame?

Everyone is starting to feel the effects of the country's recession in one way or another. The biggest businesses are begging for money after sucking the consumers dry (how funny is that, GMC?), and others are cutting their losses and filing Chapter 11s faster than I can say Bank Of America. We've already cut 70,000 jobs this year, and things seem to be getting worse before they can get better.

My question is this: when does it become so, so bad that you'll take your own life and the lives of the ones you love?
For a man in Los Angeles, I guess he decided enough was enough. After both him and his wife were fired from their technician jobs at Kaiser Permanente, he went home; killed his wife, his five children...and then himself.
It's been reported that Ervin Antonio Lupoe called 911 to inform the police that he came home and his family had been murdered. But police investigators are ruling out that possibility and calling it murder-suicide. At the same time of receiving the emergency call, local news station KABC-TV received a suicide note via fax and notified the proper autorities.

"So after a horrendous ordeal my wife felt it better to end our lives and why leave our children in someone's else's hands, in addition it seems Kiaser Permanente want's us to kill ourselves and take our family with us. They did nothing to the manager who stated such, and did not attempt to assist us in the matter, knowing we have no job and 5 children under 8 years with no place to go. So here we are.
Ervin Lupoe"

You can read the rest of the note sent to the TV station here.

I understand that this is a trying time for everyone, employed and otherwise. It's harder now to keep your job than to get one. But...this is something I don't even want to attempt to make logical.

My heart aches for his family, and those children--one 8 year old, and two sets of twins, ages 2 and 5. I personally understand what it means to struggle financially, but taking the lives of your seeds should never be an option. I also can never fully understand what another man is going through, losing a job after your wife has been fired...and having the blessed burden of six other mouths to feed...but if you want to take the "easy" way out, take it alone.

R.I.P. Brittney, Jaszmin, Jasseley, Christian, Benjamin, Ana and Ervin Lupoe.

(deuces.)

it continues...30/30 pt dos!

#24 (1/3/2009)-Poetry, A Letter

wasn't aware that there were rules applied to free expression

i'd like to just talk and let words flow

call that poetry

but apparantely my words aren't big enough

lines not long enough

messages not deep enough

and metaphors aren't metaphorical enough

I don't have the right rhythm to spit you amongst ready ears

so many rules

for something that was discovered without them

so I apologize, poetry

I can only continue to be

but the feeling must be mutual

because you allow me to be

don't trip when I miss a line

or when I take too long to reach a point

I'm getting your message across

just let me be your instrument.

#25 (1/4/2009)-Tainted Promise

the universal heartbeat had to be revived

your announcement threw everything off balance

my world danced to the tune of your drum

but unbeknownst to me, the drumming ceased

causing me to stumble

and in this incident I realized I've grown dependent on you

needing my fix

and regretting the person I become when it's not near

you've become my music, a necessity

knowing that for just one moment it could've been wiped away has potential to kill me

but the drums start again

while you and I dance on glass

stepping lightly and slowly

silently praying that we can both find the tune again.

#26 (1/5/2009)-I Wish I May

she used to wish on stars

sending all her focus to the brightest of them all

took that philosophy and applied it to life

"star light, star bright; first star I see tonight..."

first star I see tonight

first star I see tonight

no one told her that she didn't have to give all her energy to one star

let alone the first she sees

tell her to hold on to her wish

gaze at all the stars

the one for her may not be the first

possibilities are limitless in the skies

so her choice is hers for the making

any one of those stars should be blessed to have her wish

just as any is willing to take it

but she has to be careful

take advantage of discernment

it may not be the first star she sees tonight.

#27 (1/6/2009)-Wait List.

Dear You,

it's been a while since we've talked

now let's skip the specifics

i know what this is about

crowding the screen of my smart phone with your dumb ass questions

"how's life?" "how you been?"

all filler; the warm up to the matter at hand

you wanna know a lot of things

but the question that pulses in the front of your mind

never to leave your lips, unless uttered in some incoherent, secret coded fashion

"you still, um...intact?"

"made that move yet?"

and a personal favorite

"still locking it down?"

you no longer have permission

to even have the balls to ask me this question

lack of patience canceled out your like for me

causing my tolerance to dissipate

but I thank you anyway for showing me who you really were

almost laughed when you said you'd wait until my say-so...

who told you my say so would be for you?

holding on to my last piece of me

and you just want a piece of me

so I'll continue to cradle what's mine

grab onto it like you would your nuts

spit my excuses like you spit your game

because that's what it's turned into

cheap trinkets leading to the top prize

news flash: movie tickets, paid dinners, bells and whistles

approval by your closest niggas

even meeting the woman who brought you into this world

won't bring you into mine

takes much more

so simple, but if you can't figure out

you're certainly not what I'm looking for

so just think

it could've been you

to venture to an unchartered land

make my body quake with the softest touch of your hand

mark your territory by putting your lips on places

then laugh later about my "during" faces

but I won't say too much

it's been a long time

and we've lost touch

all I can do is smile

at a lame attempt to learn about something

that was temporarily worth your while

suffering from Til It's Gone Syndrome

and a horrible case of raging testosterone

besides

if you'd really like to know "how" I am

do yourself a small favor.

ask my man.

#28 (1/7/2009)-Challenge

Someone tell Satan

To come harder than this. Back

to the drawing board.

#29 (1/8/2009)-Forestry Melodies

from your veins to mine

take me on a ride

drift on clouds as I float away

I wish not to come back

this is where I belong

self discovery is prevalent in this place

taken to the conscious of my conscious

true self resides

escape to new planes through your vapors

a burning sweetness enters lungs

secretions of carelessness seep through me

show me what's really trivial

who's to blame me for wanting this rescue

the real world is far worse than this

but you help me temporarily forget

thought I would keep you to myself

but others sing your praises

guess they need the same help

it's a love/love relationship

you and I

I'm stuck to your side

you stick to my hands

let those ignorant bastards say what they please

we both know what's best for me

try to keep you away

you're a moneymaker

and there are some who will abuse you

but they will never appreciate the experience

as we do

you're everywhere

and I can't be all those places at one time

but I can in my mind.

#30 (1/9/2009)-Career Day

it's almost his turn

hearing the same aspirations back to back

has made him tired

everyone wants to be nurse

football or basketball player

and every now and again

lawyer is thrown in the mix

but today's his day to wow the crowd

4th grade mind already equipped beyond his years

he steps up to the front of his class

faces his peers

burgandy uniform pants etching detailed stories of yesterday's play date

and his shirt is transforming to a slight beige

but his notebook is spotless

chest held high, eyes straight ahead

he braces himself for laughter

what he's about to say is utterly ridiculous

"When I grow up, I'm going to be President."

the room falls silent

searches his classmates' eyes for approval

and is surprised to see all smiles

waits for teacher's predictable snicker

and hears nothing

but sees the single tear drop from his teacher's eye

the silence lets him know

it's now possible

it can be done.

Whew! I finally finished it! Every poem has been sitting in my journal, waiting to be typed since the 9th. But...you know what I said earlier. Anyways, I hope this 30/30 has been pleasing to you, and if it hasn't...*shrug* don't know. I will say it was a challenge for me, but I will most definitely be doing this again soon.

(deuces.)

btw: If you're a new reader and you haven't had the chance to catch up on my 30/30, or have no idea of what the hell I'm talking about, click these links and get on the ball!
1/30
2/30
3/30
4/30
5/30
6/30
7/30
8/30
9/30
10/30
11/30
12/30
13/30
14/30
15/30
16/30

as promised...30/30 continues!

*Don't judge me. I know I took a minute, but if you read my mini disclaimer a few posts back, you should know that this takes time, focus and energy to type. I'm going to compile the rest (14 poems!) into 2 posts. Read, comment, and most of all...enjoy!*

#17 (12/27/2008)- Black Panther

Left fists raised in air

Serve as a bridge for lost souls

Back to the Motherland.

#18 (12/28/2008)-Speak No...

It's the little things

Body language and signals

To say "I love you".

#19 (12/29/2008)-Untitled

Dreams with no standards

Like mind's playground left idle

Devil can play now.

#20 (12/30/2008)-Kinte Cloth and Moonstones

Sitting while others stodd to salute the flag

Just in 2nd grade

Marked different since before she could remember

Home specially tailored into her school uniforms

Made her an easy target for school bullies

But at the same time illuminated her individuality

Now, the things she was teased for

Is what has made her well known

Popular in her own way

While others struggle to stay on the radar.

#21 (12/31/2008)-Body Talk

Funny how we don't need words anymore

Simple nouns and verbs

phrases in Webster's

Can neither define or confine what we have

love bursting through pages

so let's make our own

watch attentively

you'll learn all you need by simply looking at me

just as I watch you

feel my heart flutter after I kiss your lips

and I smile to watch your body sigh

saying you love me without saying you love me

cherish the twinkle in your eye when you've missed me

tightness of your embrace telling me you need me

a love beyond words

spoken so loudly

but no words are ever heard.

#22 (1/1/2009)-The Kitchen

I shake my locs, yeah

Feel just like a lioness

When I do it, too.

#23 (1/2/2009)-The Kitchen (Extended)

they're free when I can't be

defying the laws of media

very rare that you see these on tv

follicle breeds into follicle

strands tight enough to break teeth

no comb breching through here

and please, don't get it confused

my locs are in no way fashionable

adorning my head like a crown

make a statement without making a statement

history in each root

fusing my mind's energy for all to see

flowing past my shoulders

creating their own dance as they finally curtain my back

doubling as a cape and shield

like samson

here is where I harness my strength

so requests to touch are easily denied

no one is just granted access inside

my locs represent something that is never fully understood

me.

just so you can get a little edu-ma-cation...

After my gripe about Che not being released to theaters, a somewhat silver lining was shone my way via a blog comment. After I read the comment, I typed my way over to everyone's favorite Boob Tube, YouTube, and now I have the biggest smile on my face!

I have here two clips: one's a preview of a straight to DVD (that's already been released, according to the description) film about the life of General George Jackson, a member of the Black Panther Party (the ORIGINAL, not the "new"). He gained national attention as a Soledad Brother, and both his books, written while in prison, reached bestsellers lists. Gary Dourdan stars as Jackson, and from what I see in the preview he actually does the portrayal some justice. I was actually able to find this movie on amazon.com at a reasonable price.

The second clip is a preview of Assata aka Joanne Chesimard, an independent film about the life of Assata Shakur, who is still alive and living in exile in Cuba. I could go on about how she should have been back in the states by now, but I'll digress. Huge plus(es)? The music is scored by Roy Hargrove. Another Panther, Kathleen Cleaver makes and appearance, and Assata makes an appearance as well. No word on when or if this movie has been released, but you can contact the film maker, Fred Baker, at his website if you have any questions.

Still a little salty that films like these aren't in theaters, but with sites like Youtube, I guess history can be delivered another way. Maybe even a better way.

Special thanks to my new reader/blog friend, Mister Jaycee, for giving me these awesome finds. His blog is excellent, so click his name to check him out. I mean, hey, I'm a follower too!

(deuces.)

no che!

For the record...Che Guevara was an inspirational man. In my opinion. So imagine my excitement when I heard (a longgggg time ago) that Benicio Del Toro was going to bring him back to life! Che was screened last May at the Cannes Film Festival, and Del Toro even won an award there for Best Actor for his portrayal of Guevara. Trust, I've been keeping track on this, I heard it was to be released to movie theaters for everyone's viewing pleasure.

So I waited...

And I waited...

...only to find out that it had already been released in December in LA and NYC! WTF?! I've gotta drive/fly to see this movie?! Where's the justice in that? Turns out it was released early to qualify for Oscar nods,which didn't happen. It's Che. I'm not surprised. To further my frustration, it turns out that I could have watched the movie already...at home. The distributors have decided to make the films available for all major cable and satellite providers, which means I found it...in the MUSIC section...of Comcast On Demand. W.T.F.

True, there is an advantage to having this film so easily at my fingertips. It's free. I can be in the comfort of my own home. And I can take as many breaks as I need to digest the whole film; it's a little over four hours long so it's been divided into two parts. Ouch. I just really wanted to see something great at the movies this year, outside of the predictable blockbusters coming in a few months (HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE?!?! I'M IN THERE!). No big deal; I'll just grab some popcorn, Scuba, and curl up on my couch.

Guess I can simmer down those hopes of seeing a Black Panther motion picture in theaters, huh? Right.

(deuces.)

a double alley-oop?

The Westchester Country Day School in NC just got a little more interesting.

I'm saying though, is it possible to see this in an NBA game? Or will it be illegal, like King James' "crab dribble"?

Just slide it in at the All Star Game, and we're good. Thanks in advace.

(deuces.)

umbrella drinks and mopeds

Free drinks.

Free parties.

Beautiful people.

Beautiful atmosphere.

Breathtaking sights.

Quality R&R.

Did I mention the free drinks?!

It was the family's second time vacationing here, but the Dominican Republic is now one of my favorite places to travel to. My brother and I were pretty much "famous" the first time we went (because of our hair, everyone called us "Ras"; and my brother's slightly uncanny resemblance to to Weezy F. Baby), so walking through the steets of Puerto Plata at night was not a big deal, though tour guides heavily advised not to do so. We met a lot of great families, made some new friends, and partied to the point of post party amnesia.

I have here just a few pictures of our trip. Some pictures will have a little story/caption attached. Hope you enjoy, and if you'd like to see some more vacation stories, post a comment and let me know!

Pops was complaining because he "never gets to take a picture with my DAW-TUH!"

Taking it back to the old school...

I only asked for this drink, known as "The Rainbow", because the name was the first thing I saw on the menu. Be advised: this should not be consumed in the wee hours of the morning.

We even party in the rain, son!

Pops was partying the night away

The unofficial sand logo, lol

Isabella, the Pina Colada lady. We had to buy something from us before she cursed us...literally.

My brother made a lot of new friends on New Years. She's a special one, right?

Me and my new buddy Dany, "but for YOU, it's FREEEE!" LOL. Funny stories about this guy. I'd like to call him the Dominican Young Jeezy.

White Russians before the official countdown.

Me and moms posing for the camera before we head out to the New Years shindig

Everyone rides mopeds, you hear me? EVERYONE.

Get a couple shots in before we leave! Quick!

My fam and our new fam that we met while on vacation. We may be related, some last names match.

I've got bunches more, but I think a few is good enough. The entire album will be posted via Myspace, so if you add me (or have added me already) you can view them there. Hope you enjoyed, because I'm glad to have finally posted this! Woo-hoo! Next up: the mythical 30/30, lol...

(deuces.)